Emilia
When I was seven years old, Daddy surprised Mom and me with a visit to the King of Prussia Mall—at the time the second largest mall in the country. It marked my first visit to such a vast place, and coming from a small town, it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. The mannequins that lined the large window displays of the stores were mesmerizing, as were the glamorous outfits they wore. The sights, the smells, the bustling crowds all thrilled me to the point I couldn't resist bounding from one store to the next in excitement.
When we stumbled upon the Build-A-Bear store–with its selection of adorable bears you could dress up and accessorize until your heart's content–I was enthralled. Like I couldn't help it, I found myself walking inside what could only be described as the most wonderful place on earth. The brightness that hung in the air like a beautiful rainbow of happiness was like magic, and I remember thinking how I couldn't believe such an amazing place existed. I turned around, looking to share my utter joy with my father, but to my horror, he was gone.
In that instant, the wonderment that consumed me moments before disintegrated, leaving behind nothing but terror. I was lost, alone, and consumed with the overwhelming fear that I'd never see my father, my home, or my friends again. Weeping and screaming for Dad, I spun in circles, shying away from the touches of strangers who made me more scared, even though I knew they were only trying to help.
Then, just as suddenly, I was lifted into the air and into the embrace that was as familiar to me as the rays of the sun on a summer morning. Wrapped in the safety of Daddy's arms, I remember the overwhelming sense of relief that washed over me. He found me. I was safe. Nothing else mattered. Not the interesting people, not the cute bears, or the mannequins with fancy clothes. At that moment, the only thing that mattered was my dad. He was my safe place. My safety net.
That this is the memory that's coming to me now only intensifies the restlessness coursing through me. That memory is a reminder that even when surrounded by happy and beautiful things, all it takes is one mistake, one bad choice made in a moment of distraction, for all that happiness to disappear. The thick haze of depression that's descended upon me like a toxic plume of devastation reaffirms the dreaded misstep has already taken place. Just like when I was a little girl, I got so caught up in the thrill of what could be that I forgot to pay attention to what mattered.
And now, unlike 7-year-old me, there is no one left to save me. I already know how this is going to end. Like a slow-speed slide on an icy road, the inevitable crash that's coming is laid out before me. There's nothing I can do to stop it and all that's left to do is pray the fallout doesn't destroy everyone I love.
Setting the urine sample on the counter, I follow Tammy, Hannah's receptionist, to the chair where she takes my blood pressure before drawing a few vials of my blood.
A full STI panel.
My second since my time at the cabin with Creed. All to ensure I didn't contract a disease after having unprotected sexual intercourse with a man I hadn't seen in over three years—a man who spent all of that time surviving in the underbelly of the sex trafficking trade.
"The only way to beat them was to become them." His words to me that day choose this moment to run through my mind.
It's a terrifying thought that only compounds the dread swirling amidst the constant waves of nausea that roll in my belly. The first set of tests came back clean, but since taken just hours after our encounter, this is the set that's of most concern. And as if that wasn't enough, there's that little detail of two missed periods that adds more grey to the terrifying picture that is my life.
"You're all set. Follow me."
Walking behind her into the exam room, I feel numb. When Tammy exits, quietly shutting the door behind her, the gravity of my situation slams into me, knocking the air from my lungs. Thick and unrelenting, it expands through the room, strangling me and twisting my insides until I'm about to be sick. Swallowing down the bile, I fight to keep it together, imploring my body to wait until we're alone and out of this place.
"It's going to be okay." With a hand on my belly, I will myself to absorb the words. Though I don't believe them now, maybe they'll become true if I say them often enough. But then, I lose the battle when I think of Lucas and the girls. This will destroy him. It will destroy us, and worst of all, it will upend the safety and security I'm fighting to hold on to for my girls.
"Are you okay?" Hannah's voice comes from where she stands at the door.
It's not until I see the concern etched on her face that I realize tears are running down my face. Of all my friends, she is the most compassionate and understanding, which I hope will make what I'm about to say all the easier.
"No, I'm not." Choked up with emotion and overwhelmed by guilt and shame, I hang my head. My chest hitches painfully as I try to hold back my sobs. I need to say it, but saying it will also cement it as truth.
I don't want it to be true.
Please god, don't let it be true.
Stepping in front of me, she lays the tablet with my medical records down beside me. When her arms come around me, the walls holding back the torrent of emotions shatter in an instant.
I'm about to lose the only life I've ever wanted.
The only man I've ever truly loved.
It's heart-wrenchingly devastating and hopelessly unavoidable. And after 6 days of denying to myself what my body tells me is true, I can't hold it in anymore.
"I-I think... I'm pregnant."
THIS IS WHERE BOOK #2 ENDS, but don't worry because BROKEN COURAGE (Broken Redemption Book 3) is out now and can be found under my profile.
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Author's Note:
Now, I can't wait to hear your thoughts on what happened in this chapter. How do you feel about Emilia's revelation? What do you think will happen next?
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BROKEN HOPE (Broken Redemption Book 2)
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