BROKEN HOPE (Broken Redemption Book 2)

Chapter 20

Lucas

As soon as I turn onto the street where I grew up, the knot in my stomach travels up into my throat. The last time I was here, Jenny and I were huddled under a blanket in the back seat of Uncle George's car, both of us shivering uncontrollably despite the warm July night. While I don't recall who else was on the scene, I do remember there were lots of people there, some running towards the scorching black shell that was once our home, while many others just stood around, gaping at the charred remains of the family life that was forever lost.

"If it gets to be too much, tell me," she reassures, squeezing my hand in a show of support.

While I appreciate the sentiment, her words offer little in the way of solace. Life became too much for me on this very street 15 years ago, and not much has changed since then.

"Is that..."

"Yeah, Pastor David."

He's parked just outside the gate of the long driveway, leaning against his car. To my relief, seeing him helps ease some of the pressure from the Grand Canyon size boulder of grief, currently crushing my chest. In the almost six months since I last saw him, I kept my promise to check in with weekly phone calls. It was the only thing he'd asked of me when I told him I couldn't live in the city anymore, and after everything he'd done for me, it was the least I could do. While to this point those calls have felt like enough, it turns out seeing him here in person is just the medicine I never knew I needed.

Over the years, this man has become so much more than a mentor and friend. He's taken on the role of surrogate father. Since I left Ruby Creek, he's been the only constant in my life, the grounding force that's held me together more times than I can count. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be alive, which is why there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him.

When I've pulled in behind his car, I kiss the back of Embree's hand. "I'll be just a minute. Stay here."

I sense her questioning gaze as I step out of the car, but I can't bring myself to look at her. I can see how my behavior right now might be setting off some red flags in her head, especially after our intimate exchange. As much as I'd like to reassure her that my actions have nothing to do with her or what happened, I just can't. My demons are much too close to the surface, and it's taking all of my strength to hold them back.

Shutting the car door, I scan the area for threats. It's a compulsion at this point. My growing unease over having her out in the open with only me as protection has me damn near crawling out of my skin. I'm hyperaware to the point every sound and every shadow feels like a significant threat. To add insult to injury, feeling this out of control in the presence of the two most important people in my life only adds to my growing anxiety.

"Lucas, my boy." He walks towards me with a beaming smile. Meeting me halfway, he pulls me in for a tight hug. "My, you're a sight for sore eyes. You doing alright?" He pulls back, his dark eyes scanning over me in that methodical way that makes it impossible to hide anything. I know what he sees, and lying about it will only make things harder.

"It's been a difficult morning." I attempt a smile but fail miserably.

"I figured it might be. It's why I'm here. So talk to me. Where's your head at?"

At the familiar question I cringe, not because I'm not willing to tell him the truth, but because my answer today is the worst it's been in quite some time.

"About an eight," I swallow hard. "But I'm managing."

His brow furrows. "You sure?"

I nod.