I'm breaking down inside, hiding under my disguise and nobody questions or asks, for I have successfully completed the task of deception, even to myself. I don't trust, for I can't trust myself. I question everything that I think, thoughts colliding faster than I could blink, is it true, is it not? I wouldn't know, though I see an image in my head, and I simply want to give up, give in, stay in bed, never to wake. People say nightmares aren't real, but nightmares are my escape, my life undeniably at stake, and it scares me. I scare myself more than you ever would, more than you ever could. I'm scared for my life in fear of what others would think, a repetitive thought I wish I could escape, but I'm always late, and I still hope that when I die, there is a gate, a gate to heaven but I know I would end in hell, and only I can really tell, because nobody else sees through my façade, and what can I do if I can't focus on anything but my thoughts, every one causing the pain, and sometimes I ask myself if I am sane, for the thoughts never feel like mine, but I know that they are and I fear them almost as much as I fear myself. My health is at risk, but I don't care for that anymore, I care that I could be wrong, and maybe that's why I'm scared of myself, scared of everything else. People call me mean, but see, I just want to be free of myself, not judged for how I act, and that is a simple fact that I wish others to see, wish them to believe, but they still call me mean, though am I mean for wanting to believe that I could be someone but me, but I continue to be perceived as something I don't want them to believe, but they've already been deceived, and they continue to hurt me, their words triggering my thoughts, hurting me more than I've ever been, and yet they are the ones that call me mean. Most stand there, completely unaware of how I feel, as on the inside, I feel that I've already died, acting as though I am fine when I am not fine.
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Not So Lovely Poems
PoesiaAn update will be made every week, though please enjoy my poems. commenting and advice would be great aswell, I am open to any advice that I am given.
