A Single Rose (a Valentine's Story)

Chapter 12

I gave a sigh as my eyes darted from the whiteboard, to my exercise book, to the back of my textbook, and then back to the whiteboard again.

Since the teaching section of the lesson was over, most people around me were talking in hushed whispers, and a scarce few others were actually focussing on their work or solving the textbook problems together.

I was amongst the ones actually trying to get their work done, and I quietly worked through the questions, checking my answers every few questions or so using the guide at the back of the textbook. But as I was forced to mark almost all of my answers - excluding two or three correct ones - with an ugly red 'X', frustration was getting the better of me.
What am I doing wrong?! I inwardly groaned.

Usually with Math I struggle initially, but once I understood the steps and concept I was able to apply them and solve the problems - but looking at the example question on the board and the worked example in the textbook, my brow remained furrowed in confusion. I was evidently getting something wrong, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what.

Math definitely wasn't my favourite class, but still, there was something that I liked about it, and that was the fact that it was (mostly) straight forward, it had logical steps. For example, in Math exams there there was really only one way (or else a limited few others) to get the right answer, unlike social interactions where it always feels so unpredictable and like I always chose the wrong thing, no matter how hard I tried to make sense of it and act according to the social 'norms'.

And I had prided myself on usually able to at least figure out math equations, if nothing else in my life, even if it took me a little while longer than the top kids in the class, but now it seemed even that skill failed me.
Just in time for the mid-term assessment next week.

I really wasn't a fan of exams, tests, or pop-quizzes - my brain always freaked out a bit, though I had learnt to managed it better throughout the years - but mid-term assessments just had an especial 'ick' to them. Most of the other people in my grade didn't really bother about them since they were weighted really lightly in comparison to the end-of-term and end-of-year assessments (both of which I decidedly detested), but I still always tried my hardest for them since they still counted somewhat to my grade, and also it was a good way to track my progress and weak areas, and also just stay motivated to consistently study.

Turning my attention back to my exercise book, I rested my fingers on my brow with another sigh.

"Need a hand?" Piped up a familiar voice next to me.

I turned to him with a small,
"Please, if you don't mind."

Kaylen leaned close as he looked over my shoulder at my scribbled out working and all the big red X's next to the answers which I had self-marked, reading over it for a moment.

He was a good person, though he usually didn't dare to chat to me a great deal. In any case, he took enough pity on me to help me out with Maths, and would kindly explain concepts I struggled to grasp from time to time.

I turned my attention back to him as, having perused my poor problem-solving he straightened up,
"Ah, see, it's a simple matter, but easy enough to miss in a rush or if you just happen to not be paying close enough attention. See, here-" he tapped with his pen, "may I?" I nodded and, after circling a few of the + and - signs throughout my work, he began to write one of the questions in the spare space left on my messy page.

I watched carefully as he went through the steps, and listened as he explained,
"It's meant to be negative instead of positive, but you ended up minusing it anyway instead of adding it due to the double negatives." and as he finished re-writing down the working out of one of the questions I had already done, he embellished it with the final figure. "Yup, see now, the answer is correct. Sixteen. The rest of your working is absolutely fine, it's just that second-last step that trips you up, see?"

He glanced up at me, and I gave a nod as he continued,
"That's why some, the problems with only positive numbers, you were getting right, but then in the one with negative numbers you have to remember to add instead of subtract, because-"

"The negative and the minus cancel each other out," I finished with a groan, "Of course! It's so simple when you point it out, and makes perfect sense." I shook my head, "It's always things like this that makes me mess up - I  just can't set it's sort straight in my mind. Anyhow, thanks for explaining Kaylen, I appreciate it."

"No worries. And," he added, a bit self-conciously, "for what it's worth, it's an easy enough mistake to make. I used to make it a lot as well. But... fundamentally," he gave a kind, encouraging smile, " your grasp of the problem-solving needed for these sorts of questions really is quite good."

I looked up in surprise, "Really?"

"Yeah, you got this." He lowered his voice, "between you and me, most of this lot have much less of a clue of what they're meant to be doing. You're good, you just need to keep an eye out for those little negatives and those sort of details, that's all."

I inwardly gave a snort of laughter at the irony. In life I'm so good at seeing the negative, when I should be trying to focus on seeing the positive instead - but here I was being told that in Math it was the opposite problem!

I gave him a small nod and smile,
"Thank you, Kaylen, I appreciate that."

"No worries," he gave a small smile back before scooting back to his seat and focusing in on his own work - already several questions ahead of me, per the usual. Though he wasn't one of the "popular" guys - thank Goodness - he was well-liked enough and almost always near, if not at, the top of the class.

Before turning back to my work, I studied him for a moment. I think the reason why Kaylen was fairly nice to me was because, he got it - what it was like to be me that is - somewhat, at least, for he was as tall and skinny as I was short and fat, and I recalled now that when he had first came to the school he mercilessly got teased and called "Bean" by the boys. Though, once they saw his upper body strength during the gym unit of P.E. - in which he got the second-highest punch-force score on the machine - they learnt to respect him and leave him alone despite his seemingly scrawny appearance.
And that, sadly, was a skill (the getting people to respect me, not the punching) I had yet to master.

Could he have...? My mind coyly suggested.

But I shut that train of though with a firm,
No. He couldn't have. Kaylen isn't, he can't be, interested me in that way. He's just being nice because that's who he is. Besides, he helps multiple people, not just me!

I re-focused my attention back to my work, studiously working away at the next problem and taking note of the negatives this time. Once I had finished it, I felt a smile involuntarily bloom on my face as I checked the back of the textbook and, with great satisfaction, marked my answer with a big tick. Thanks Kaylen.

Sometime later, after many more correct answers (though still one or two wrong ones where I had forgotten the negatives or just not paid close enough attention to some other part), Math class finished.

As I packed up my kit and started heading out the classroom, along with everyone else, Kaylen left ahead of me, with a "whelp, see you in English." which I had returned with a small smile. Out of everyone in the grade, aside from a very select few, he was one of the nicest. Of course, we didn't have long chats or anything, and our only topic of conversation was the classwork, but he treated me like a human being and not a floor mat, he respected what I had to say and was interested to hear my opinion on whatever topic was being covered in class - basically one of the only people who was.

As I watched him walk towards the group of students pouring out of the other classroom, I felt my heart give a little tug.
I wish-

But I shut it down with a sharp. No.

Kaylen slung his lanky arm over
one of the girls in the group who was mid-laugh, and planted a casual kiss on her cheek before seeming to make an enquiry which I guessed was him asking how class had went.

Jana. His girlfriend.

And that is why, even if he was basically the only guy I talked to who was actually a fundamentally decent human being, who actually made me feel like a person who was valued and had something worthwhile to contribute, I held no hope of him - regardless if I wished it or not - being my mysterious, so-called 'admirer'.