What we do in the shadows (Laszlo x Reader)

Healing

A FEW MONTHS LATER

*Ding Dong*

»Ahhhhhh hello very much!
Long time no see.«

THEY WALK INTO THE HOUSE
»dont be shy little humans, I don't bite.«, you say smiling at them, revealing your blood covered teeth. The crew gave you a disturbed look. Confused you blinked twice then it hit you. Licking your teeth white again you gave them an even more welcoming smile. »come in, come in.«, you said luring them into the house. Turning your gaze to the camera next to you gave them a sly smirk. »that's what yo mom said.«

INTERVIEW WITH Y/N BRUSHING HER Y/HC HAIR

»you're probably are asking yourselves... what happened to Laszlo, is he still alive? Did he managed to come over Nadjas death by killing gizmo?«, you took a deep breath. »I don't know... but what I do know isssss...«, you smiled picking up a picture from the ground. »that the portrait is finally finishedddd~«, excited you showed them the family picture while smiling proudly. After 5 long seconds you still sat there with the picture in your hand. »okayyy, you can cut now.«, you spoke trough your teeth's, still smiling. »CUT!«

CUT TO THE LIVING ROOM, WITH ALL OF THEM WATING FOR Y/N

»hello hello my dear vampires, Colin Robinson and... gizmo.«, at Guillermos part you gave him a disgusted look on your face. »Anyway. Let me present you the new, healthier, not depressive, brideless most handsome vampire in this whole worllddd...«, you grab the curtains beside you and smile like a little child, ready to reveal the person any second behind the curtains. »Lazloooo fucking cravenswoooorrrthhhh!!! WOOOUHHHH!!!«, you cheer, forcing the others also to cheer while giving them I'm-gonna-kill-you-if-you-won't-cheer-with-me look.

LAZLO SITTING ON A ARMCHAIR

»did y/n cure me? No. But we had some really nice sex lately, she tried to get Nandor involved with all of this. But I wasn't mentally prepared yet to get hairly balls slapped against my face. Oh! I must show you something before I go back to jerking off to to the painting where antipaxos is burning... come follow me dear mates.«, he said, being the normal himself, no sign of depression or suicide attempts. They followed him outside where the moon shined brightly. »Look.«, giving them an over happy grin he presented them his self made vulva bush which was... blooming. »I have never ever never seen something more beautiful than that. The roses died a few days ago, but they were blooming right on her clitoris. Isn't Mother Nature beautiful?«, he let his hands rest on his hips, studying the masterpiece proudly. »oh! It's obviously Nadjas beautiful Venus's honeypot.«

GIZMO IS CLEANING THE HOUSE
»o-oh... is it time to say something about myself again?«, he smiled awkwardly while fixing his shirt. »ehem. Well... obviously I'm still alive and Laszlo is healing aannndd Nadja is not really fully gone. I mean the muppet's still here and I saw Lazlo making out with her the last day. I think everyone's getting happier and-«, before he could finish his heart warming sentence he got cut off by Nandor. »hello little tiny humans that are trapped in the small camera.«, he spoke while poking his claw looking finger against the cameras glass. »m-master I told you that's not how it works...«, Guillermo sighed in disbelief. »I'm trying to convince Laszlo to have a threesome with me and y/n again but I think he's avoiding me.«, Nandor smiled really closely to the camrea, revealing his nostrils. »maybe he changed his preferences?«, gizmo said not understanding what the problem is. »nonsense Guillermo. Why would we choose to stay over 100 of decades a straight vampire? It's almost impossible if you ask me.«, Nandor answered. »oh yeah... right.«, Guillermo pretended to understand and kissed his theeths while giving the camera the look.

BACK TO THE LIVING ROOM

«Ugh, I feel wonderful.», laszlo commented making you smile proudly. «look what you useless peace of brats did nothing. Because of me he's the same old lazlo!», you said hissing at everybody else. «yeah well. There's still a little... uhm green there.», nandor spottet a Little mold on lazlos face. «ugh don't rush him... well actually me! I still hadn't got the time to shower him probably okay?! You try to shower a vampire against its will! It's like fighting a cat, no a tiger. Worse!« everybody watched your little outburst before Nandor continued to talk »anyway... Lazlo. Already thoughts of a new wife?«, he asked making y/n almost jump on him to rip out his wig looking silky, beautiful brown... wait. Hair! Lazlo looked to you, you gave him a confused look back and he sighed. »no. I did not. But I'm going to.«, he commented.

»dear mates! hereby I declare the milf hunting!«, Lazlo stood up, pointing his fingers up to the sky as he wiggled his hand each word. Guillermo cringed. »Uhm... does he know what a milf is?..«, he whispered to the others. All of them rolled their eyes as if the answer was clearly. »duhh- man I love frogs!«, you comment annoyed by Guillermos presence. »yeah....«

INTERVIEW WITH GUILLERMO

»yeah no that's definitely not what it means...«, he nodded in disbelief of how dumb these vampires are. »also these two things have nothing in common?! Why would you say that in first place when you're trying to find a new wife?!», he said clearly confused. »I bet the muppet Nadja doesn't even know it yet...«

BACK TO THE OTHERS
»What else could it mean Mr. know-it-all?«, you mocked him. He just stood silent and gave the camera a help-me look. »yeah that's what I thought. We're not as dumb as you think.«, you scoffed proudly whipping a hair string out of your face. »can I come with you guys? You know... to find a new chica-chic for-«

»NO!«, everybody yelled at Collin Robinson, as he quickly regretted asking and concentrated back to his newspaper.

CUT TO COLLIN ROBINSON SITTING ALONE ON A ARMCHAIR

»they never want me anywhere... and I just can't understand why? I'm such a funny guy? I make them cry, I make them inhumanly tired, I suck out all their energy, I let them sigh of boredom everytime I want, I can read, I can write, I know how to tie my shoes...« »SOMEBODY CUT THE FUCKING CAMERA!«, the cameraman yelled with his last strength.

»easy target.«, he murmured under his breath with a smirk.