What we do in the shadows (Laszlo x Reader)

The "man i love frogs" hunting

THE GANG IS OUTSIDE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

»Ughhhhhh this is so boring! I knew going outside at 12 a.m is a stupid idea. Have you forgotten that people go to sleep at that time??«, you said sighing dramatically loud out and letting your arms hang down of boredom.

»quiet, noisy little vampire fella!«, Lazlo said in his usual tone trying to sound like a poet.

»the night is young darling, we have very much time... Ohho, there's already my young little damsel.«, Laszlo spoke again, pointing at the young jogger which was trying to pass us. »okay Laszlo remember the plan? Don-«, but you got cut off.

»good afternoon dear lady. My names Laszlo cravensworth and you may think I'm a creep, but how lucky you are I am indeed not.«, he spoke bowing down making the woman walk slower. »uhm... I can call the police if you're lost?«, it was pretty obvious that she was scared and wanted to back off as fast as she could. »well well, no need for that young woman. I'm here to seduce you and later marry you.«, the vampire spoke again, moving his hand around each word. »sir... I'm 17..«

»well son of a bitch.«, he said.

»Laszlo let us just go away before she really does call the fucking cops.«, in panic you pushed him away from the little girl. »the fuck she's doing outside anyway?«, he hissed as an answer. Both of you snuck away while running in a pathetic pose. Then you saw someone, someone familiar looking.

»look Laszlo what about her?«, you whisper loudly to him while pointing at the young woman, who was on her phone. You could only see the back of her, but she had long black hair, curvy shaped body which was perfectly wrapped by her black cocktail dress and some silver high heels.

»rawr. Y/n I think she's going to be the woman. My woman. I can feel it in my heart... and down my pants.«

INTERVIEW WITH LASZLO

»I only want her because she reminds me of Nadja. I mean hello? The hair? Exactly as hers. Her body type? Just like Nadjas. Now the only mystery is her face...«, he spoke as he leaned back into his seat while stroking his beard in a thoughtful way.

BACK

both of you stalked the woman from behind a tree, clearly not hiding enough because of your big, puffy dress. You adjusted your vampire sight, trying to get a glimpse of her eyes.

»do you see something?«, you whispered. »nada.«, he whispered back.

THE UKNOWN LADY TURNS AROUND

»JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!«
»BLOODY HELL?!«

You both yell, horrified about what you just had witnessed. Feeling a little burn of your "religious" cursing you hiss loudly in pain. »why does she have a dogs face?!«, you yell-whisper to Laszlo who's also shocked about that... thing. »can't you see?! That's a fucking piss pissing, public shitting werewolf!«, he yelled, quickly distancing himself from that "woman". »let's better piss off before she gets the idea to hump on my leg.»

You gave him a confused look. »what? I thought only males do that.«, she say while running through the park with Laszlo.

INTERVIEW WITH LASZLO
»Nadja if you hear me, forgive me my long time love. How could I even compare them?! I'm a shame to myself and the vampire society. AMC... you know me the best... well after Nadja of course. Don't become the idea of me thinking that these flea fuckers are hot. They are absolutely not. They stink, piss everywhere and eat their own shit.«

BACK TO THE TWO

»ha...mha... ha... why didn't we turn ourselves to bats?«, you pant while standing right beside Laszlo, who is also regretting running away. »it seemed right in that moment my dear...«, he wheezed while holding himself up by his knees. »one more woman for the night?«, you asked in a grin, making your fangs pop out. »only?«, he whined, giving you a look you couldn't say no to. »ugh stop doing that before I stuff your face into a werewolf's ass.«, you groan while gripping his blouse to pull him trough the park. »and yes one more woman.«

YOU BOTH HAVE BEEN WALKING FOR 7 MINUTES AROUND THE PARK

»describe me your type Laszlo.«, you broke the looooong silence. He gave a look like it's obvious. »Nadja.«, he said.

»what? No. Well I know- ugh what I meant his your ideal type, hair color? Style? Eye color? Interest?«, you tried again. He put his hand on his beardy chin. »black, gothic and royal, brown, sucking blood and me.«

»you just described Nadja, Laszlo...«, you sighed in defeat. »I know.«, he grinned proudly.
As you were both walking around a bush he stopped you abruptly by holding your big dress back. »huh?«, you asked confused. »look!«, he said while pointing out another woman.

»our last target, I'll handle it y/n.«, he said as he corrected his shirt and walked towards that unknown woman. »aaand she's Guillermo's mom...«, he made a sharp turn and walked back to you. »ugh let's give up y/n... Nadja was my only love, my soulmate and now all that's left is her wooden muppet which makes my manshood have splinters after our little hanky panky.«

»awh... my poor Laszlo.«, you whined as your trapped his fat cheek. »just call me next time, I'll help you to pull them out.«, you ensured him making a human, who was walking his dog, flabbergasted.

»Nadja would be so proud of you my darling. You're very brave for not ending in a vampire depression, like Nandor almost did... such a dramatic brat. Always wants attention.«, you sighed annoyed which made Laszlo nod in approval. »you helped me a lot y/n...«, he now stroked your cheek which made feel... something... something unfamiliar. »bat?«, you asked. »bat.«, he jumped and turned into a bat. You did the same and you both flew home.

INTERVIEW WITH Y/N

»GUYS DID YOU SEE HOW HE TOUCHED MY CHEEK?!«, you yelled though the whole room while gripping into your seat as hard as possible. »never have I ever witnessed him doing that to me..«, your eyes widened. »not even after our hardcore, furniture breaking sex.«, you fidgeted around your dress not knowing what to say next.

»should I be concerned?...«, you gave the camera a horrified glance, feeling how you slowly got uneasy. » this is humiliating.«

»also I now realized... why didn't we get the idea to download tinder?«

»because you hate human technology...«, Guillermo spoke behind the cameras.

»ah yes yes.«, you know remembered while grinning.

»wait... Guillermo since when are you allowed to talk to me huh?!«, you stood up, turning to him.

ZOOM INTO GUILLERMOS TERRIFIED FACE

CUT