Falling Too (Tyler Joseph)

Chapter 35

In the coming days of the party, everything felt like a surreal whirlwind of chaos and joy. It was so easy to get swept up in it at times that it was all I could think about. There was the shopping with Carly and hearing about how she and Josh were fairing now that they were officially a couple. Other times, it was helping Marceline and the rest of our Sunday school class make decorations just because they wanted to be involved since they somehow found out that the party was for me. All the while, Tyler was frequently somewhere close by helping or just hanging out.

Whenever he wasn't, he was usually working on music with Josh. In fact, they were in the process of working on an album. Every time he spoke about it, it was like light was radiating from his very being, and I couldn't help myself from feeling almost as elated as he was. It was a nearly constant topic among him, Josh, and me. Like right now.

"As soon as the party is over, do you want to go with me and hear some of what we have so far?" Tyler asked as we drove towards the church.

"Do you finally have stuff ready for me to hear, Mr. 'It's Not Ready, It's Not Good Enough'? Whatever that means, anything you and Josh make is a certified bop."

He rolled his eyes at me with a grin. "Yeah, we finally have a few that only need polishing. So it should be safe for public consumption."

"I'm honestly more excited about hanging out in the basement to listen to music than I am for this party," I mumble as we pull into the church parking lot and then into an empty spot.

"Any reason why?"

The sound of his thinly veiled worry wasn't lost on me as I sighed and then confessed, "I'm worried that this whole thing is for pity. Or it's only happening because they all feel guilty now that everything has been fixed."

His hand reached out to grasp mine from my lap before he spoke, "Well, no matter what their intentions are or how they feel about you, in the end, it isn't any of your concern. I know that sounds weird and harsh, but truthfully, all that matters is how you feel about yourself."

"What made you decide to get all philosophical on me?" I question with a laugh that came out more hysterical than I intended. "And how would that matter more?"

"Because with or without me or any of your friends, you only have yourself at the end of the day. I'm not saying we are going anywhere because I don't plan to. Trust me on that. But if there were ever a reason for you to be alone, I want you to know that as long as you love yourself, everything else is just a bonus."

Tears burned my eyes because of his touching words, but he wasn't done. "I love you. I just want to ensure you love yourself just as much."

A gasp involuntarily slipped past my lips as I stared at him for a long minute, momentarily unable to process his words. The few tears that had been welling up in my eyes slid down my cheeks in tiny trails.

"You don't have to feel pressured to say it back," Tyler reassured me, taking my silence all the wrong way. "I just want to make sure that you know. I don't think I can keep the truth in any longer; I might die."

I shook my head and let out a watery laugh, "I can't believe you didn't already know how I felt. I've been told so many times that I'm so obvious when it comes to you. Of course, I love you too. I've been in love with you for a while now."

His smile was both tender and relieved as he cupped my jaw and pressed his lips to mine. I was unsure how long the kiss lasted, but suddenly, we sprung apart when there was knocking on the window. Heat flooded my cheeks over being caught basically making out in our church parking lot, but thankfully, it was just Josh.

"If you two are done nearly recreating that car scene from Titanic, I believe we have a party to attend," Josh called through the barrier of the car window, giving us an impish grin.

"Really?" I shouted as I swung open the door, nearly hitting him with it in his scramble to get out of the way. I lowered my voice before pointing out, "Other people can hear you, you know?"

"And they can also see you as well." Josh shot back with wiggling eyebrows.

"It wasn't even that long of a kiss! It was a chaste one on top of that!"

"Are you two about to have a fistfight in this parking lot? In front of God and everybody?" Carly questioned as she approached us, and Tyler quickly joined our little circle.

"No," Josh said in a singsong tone, even though he still had an evil grin on his face. "I'm just making sure the lovebirds behave themselves in public."

I stuck my tongue out at him and playfully warned, "Don't think I won't find a way to get you back for this."

"Come on, you all; Ashley doesn't need to be late for her own party," Tyler chides as he puts an arm around my shoulder and guides me towards the building. 

That was enough to make both Josh and I drop our fake argument, and as we stepped inside, he didn't hesitate to remain right by my side with Carly in tow. Part of him had to know how I was feeling now; that nerves were still eating at me ever so slightly. I did my best to keep Tyler's words from only minutes ago at the forefront of my mind to ground me. I could do this; I could walk away from this no matter what anyone said or did, and I would still be me. It wouldn't change the truth that I always did my best to be a good person, even when I struggled.

As soon as my eyes locked on the crowd of my fellow churchgoers, I put on my best smile and joined the group.