Falling Too (Tyler Joseph)

Chapter 27

I could feel every part of my being panic, but I noticed that Tyler had a bright smile on his face. I peered over my shoulder to see Josh faking a pout as he crossed his arms.

"But I thought you loved me!" He whined causing all three of us to burst out laughing.

When we all quieted down I asked, "How long have you been standing there?"

Josh grinned replying, "Long enough."

Tyler laughed, "You're such a creep."

Carly stepped out of the building with a knowing smile on her face asking, "Is everything alright out here?"

I nodded at her as she approached me and she pulled me to the side to tell me, "So Josh and I were planning to head out to get something to eat, do you care if you go with Tyler?"

I shrugged, "I'd ask him first, he's very stingy with Joshua."

She turned her attention Tyler pleading, "Ty, can I borrow your best buddy for a while?"

Tyler made a face before saying, "I guess so."

Carly did a little fist pump before giving Tyler a quick hug and then one to me as well before Josh comes over to tell us goodbye too.

As Josh embraced me he quietly murmured, "Aren't you glad I asked you to come?"

I rolled my eyes as I let him go saying, "Oh, hush."

He only grinned as he followed Carly back into the venue. Once all of their equipment was packed up and ready to go, Josh and Carly hurried off on their own.  

"So, are you ready to head back home?" Tyler asked as we made our way to his car.

I let out a small yawn before saying, "Yeah."

We waited inside the vehicle for the heat to clear up the windows before hitting the road. The only sound was the radio softly played for a couple of miles and I was on the verge of nodding off when Tyler spoke up.

"I hate this time of night." He remarks.

I tilted my head in his direction only asking, "How come?"

His hand reached up to fidget with his hair for a second before he found his voice again, "Certain things just come out around this time. I can't hide from my fears in the dark, because that's where they live."

I sat up a bit, feeling stunned by his words, he almost never told me things like this. "What are you afraid of?"

"Of not knowing, I guess. Not knowing my purpose, if anything I do even matters in the end."

"I think everyone is scared of that." I point out trying to reassure him in a way.

"But why does it to bother me so much? I don't see other's stressing over it the way I do."

"It's probably because you care, you want to make sure that you're doing something good with your life. At the same time, there are other people that could care less about the impact they have on the world. You're just more aware of your existence than some and that might be why it bugs you so much."

He smiled slightly at my statement and jokingly asked, "Is there anything about you that isn't completely wonderful?"

I let out a dry laugh, "There are plenty of things wrong with me, trust me."

He momentarily peered over at me, "Do tell."

I shifted uncomfortably, but I decided to push my uneasiness aside explaining, "Well, for starters, I have an awful tendency of letting my anxiety call the shots. Nearly everything I do is clouded with the worry of messing up or having someone see me in a negative light. A lot of the time making decisions is liking pulling teeth."

I watched him nod along as he listened to me, silently urging me to continue.

"As much as I hate it, there are times I miss my dad. I know that what he did is unforgivable, but sometimes I catch myself wondering how and where he is. Wondering if he misses me, is what makes me the saddest. I ponder all the time if he thought about what he might be doing to my life and if he cared about that at all."

"There's nothing wrong with that, missing your father doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. I would be more worried if you didn't."

I rose an eyebrow at that, "What makes you say that?"

"It's not in your nature to be any other way. You care so much about everyone else, never once have I seen you behave selfishly. Nearly everything you do is for someone else. Very few people can say that." 

I smiled softly as I bowed my head to hide my blush, "Thanks, Ty."

He surprised me when we stopped at a red light by placing his fingertips under my chin to lift my face up to his. My eyes met his in the red haze, tinting his entire being in the ruby color. He leaned in to gently press his lips to mine and I returned the kiss until the car behind us honked its horn. Tyler pulled back chuckling and took off yet again.

"So, I was talking to Madison not too long ago about something the two of you had discussed and she said that she hadn't wanted to tell you because she felt it wasn't her place to." He tells me with an expression that was a mixture of stressed and nervous.

"Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about." I say, recalling what she had said about the things that worry their family over him.  

He inhaled deeply before speaking, "In the past, I've had some trouble with... hurting myself."  

"That's why you have..." I start but trail off, almost too scared to say the word scars out loud. 

He bit his lip as he nodded his head and then continued, "It started when I was about seventeen, when I first began to seriously consider the idea of taking my own life."

I didn't mean to, but a sharp gasp escaped me at his words. His eyes were now glistening and the moment of silence between us felt like it had lasted an eternity. 

When he finally spoke again his voice sounded so small, "You don't hate me now, do you?"

That instantly caused my heart to experience a horrible aching pain, making my own eyes well as I say, "Of course not."

He glanced at me then, "Are you afraid of me?"

I shook my head in disbelief, "Why would I be? Tyler, this doesn't change how I feel about you or see you. If it does anything, it lets me know that you trust me enough to tell me these things. After everything we've been through, knowing what I know now, it's not going to push me away."

He smiled weakly murmuring, "Thank you."

I reached over to brush a hand through his feather-soft hair suggesting, "You should come to stay the night at my house."

He nodded as he leaned into my caress, "I'd love to."