Loved You First (A One Direction fanfic)

Chapter 4

I know it's been years since I've updated, I'm sorry! Hoping to finish these stories soon... Thanks for reading!
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Emma grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. Her voice was firm yet reassuring, "Look, you don't need him in your life, right? You have Derek. You are in love with Derek, he's your boyfriend!"

Do I love him? Yeah, I mean he is my boyfriend, right? I love Derek. Right? But Zayn, he has always been there for me. He was my first love, my first kiss. Snap out of it! He abandoned you and he shouldn't be forgiven. He waited too long and missed his chance. I'm with Derek now.

I noticed I was sitting on the couch with my eyebrows furrowed, fiercely gripping onto a pillow. "Earth to Anna..." Emma was snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Uh, sorry," I let out an awkward laugh. It sounded more like a sigh. It's a good thing Emma can't read my thoughts, she would probably think I am crazy. Maybe I am.. I honestly didn't think this day would come this soon. It's been two years but a rather quick two years.

It feels like just yesterday I was standing on Zayn's driveway watching him pull away. Watching him leave my life. I felt the hole returning to my chest. The pit in my stomach slowly making its way back. The dark shadow of depression lingering it's way back into my life to hover over me once again. When Zayn left, I felt like everything that ever had meaning in my life was missing. I was consumed by a darkness that I don't think I will ever be able to fully describe. But as soon as Derek came into my life I finally started feeling happy again. In the beginning things were so great between the two of us. But lately things have been slipping and I don't know what it is. I also couldn't have done it without Emma. She, more than anyone has saved me. I can't let myself get bad again, if anything, I have to do it for those around me. For the people who truly care about me.

I grabbed Emma's hand, "You're right. Everything is gonna be alright. I hope.." I tried to smile, hoping I could convince her that I was okay. Hoping I could at least convince her better than I could convince myself. "Why don't I make us something to eat?" The grumble in my stomach made me realize that I was starving from our long day of shopping and unexpected events. I got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen. I was grabbing some things from the fridge as Emma stood watching me, leaning on the doorway to the kitchen. "What could go wrong, right?" I smiled, shrugging my shoulders.