How to Tell You Love Him.

CHAPTER FIVE

 We don't talk about it after that. Not yet, at least. We continue with our daily routine. We sleep in his bed, wrapped around each other, comforting each other through the terror the night brings. We eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. I spend every second I can with Prim and my mother. My mother is still unsure about Peeta and I living in the same compartment. And when she brings up "being safe," I tell her there is no need to worry. It's not like that with Peeta; he doesn't push.

Gale doesn't speak to me again. He avoids my gaze in the dining hall or in the hallway on the way to our quarters. Gale's eyes bore into Peeta every chance he gets. I catch him giving him death glares all the time. Especially in the first meeting with President Coin, where she tells Peeta and me she wants us to do another star-crossed lover propo. We both agree. And when our lips touch in front of the camera, I consider that maybe I should kiss him more often.

That night, while we're sitting on the couch drinking peppermint tea, Peeta speaks.

"Did I make you uncomfortable today?" He asks. His deep, blue eyes look concerned. Worried as if I might run out the door right now and never come back. And even though I feel like hiding, I am determined to hold my ground. I've never had the choice of what I wanted, but now I do. And I want to hold onto that.

"No," I state, "why would I be uncomfortable?" I ask, looking him in the eye.

"Just..." he's scared of something, "I didn't know if having to do that again... kiss... would make you uncomfortable, like how it used to." At this point, he is avoiding my gaze, and a slight blush is creeping up his cheeks.

"It hasn't made me uncomfortable in a long time." I tell him, because it hasn't. It only made me uncomfortable during the first games and right after. But after the victory tour, I was no longer uncomfortable with his affections, and even welcomed him into my bed those nights on the train. How does he not see that?

He just nods. "Okay, good." He says quietly.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." I say, setting my mug down and beginning to rise from the couch. He nods again, and I decide to place a small kiss on his temple as I pass him. He closes his eyes and sighs at my touch.

When I get to the bedroom, I grab from the drawers what I want to sleep in. One of Peeta's old shirts that's a little too big for me, and a pair of black and white sleep pants. My stuff has slowly made its way into Peeta's drawers. Most of my clothes now occupy the empty spaces he couldn't fill on his own. My things are scattered around as well. The locket he gave me in the quell sits on the dresser, the pearl he gave me right next to it. He asked me once, when he first saw it, why I still had the pearl. I told him it was because he gave it to me, which is the truth, but there is also more than. How could I tell him that rubbing that pearl between my fingers calmed me in a way I couldn't describe. He didn't ask again.

After I had gathered what I needed, I entered the bathroom and started the shower. I love showers now, it is one of my favorite things. After having neglected basic hygiene for most of my life, being able to feel clean was like a luxury. I Love it for my sake, but also for Peeta's. Now he talks about how my hair smells good, and I know that when we lay down at night he isn't disgusted by my leftover sweat or my greasy hair.

I undress myself and step under the water. Once I am completely wet, I scrub my hair with the scentless shampoo they offer here, not even bothering with the conditioner here as it does nothing for my long, coarse hair. After that, I lather my body with body scrub, making sure to reach every part of myself, so I can feel clean. After I'm done, I shut off the water and dry myself with a towel hanging on the rack. Then I pull on the clothes, not even bothering with a bra since Peeta's shirt hangs so loosely on me.

When I open the door, Peeta is sprawled on the bed sketching. He glances up at me, and does a double take when he sees me in his shirt.
"That's my shirt." He says, giving me a sly grin.

"I know." I say as I begin to crawl into bed. As I do, Peeta sets down his sketchbook and turns off the lamp, putting his full attention on me. He has already gotten ready for bed, as he likes to shower in the morning. He turns his body towards me as I fluff my pillow, getting in the position I normally like to sleep in now. But this time, I don't put my back into his chest. This time I face him. The light in the room is dim but he can still see me.

As I adjust, I lay my head on the arm I normally use as a pillow, this time in the space between his jaw and shoulder. I throw one of my arms around his middle, as he puts his other arm around me. Then, I do something I haven't done yet. I throw my left leg over his hip, pulling him closer to me. He goes stiff for a moment, not knowing what's going on, but he relaxes once he notices how comfortable I am.

"Is this okay?" He asks. I remove my head from its little hole, looking up at him.

"Yes," I say, my voice so small it's a whisper, "this is okay." At that moment, the draw to push our lips together is too much. Slowly, I lift my head towards his. Angling my mouth so that it will be comfortable. He stays still, not wanting to scare me. But when my lips brush his, he kisses me back softly. When I pull back and resume my head's position, he doesn't try for another kiss. He just settles in for sleep to come. Eventually, it does. I sleep a dreamless and nightmare less sleep that night.