Bleeding Heart 💔

CHAPTER SIX

I could swear I heard my ear ringing. It wasn't enough to shatter my heart now they had to get me fired from work? I tried pleading with my boss and even Jason. I didn't care about my pride or dignity at that point because truth be told, my job was the only thing I had left in my life right now. But my pleas fell on deaf ears.

I looked at Jason, Long and hard and wondered if truly, he never loved me. I mean he said so but right now I'm really starting to believe it.  And then I looked at my boss, did my years of hard work and selfless service to this company mean nothing? After I realized that to both of them I was just a means to an end and nothing of importance, I turned around and left without another word.

Life really intended to fuck me over. Did I offend anyone in my previous life? Was I such a horrible person? Did someone curse me? Or did the devil make a deal with God to see how long it'll take for me to commit suicide? I went over to my desk and cleared it refusing to answer any question from any of my colleagues, I mean ex-colleagues now.

How did my life come to be like this? On Thursday morning, I still had my man, my family and my job. But now I had nothing. No man, no family and no job. I kept walking till I got to where I parked my car and then dumped everything I was holding into the car.

I sighted Jason's and my boss's cars and the strong urge to dent their cars and ruin their side mirrors and write "asshole" everywhere on the cars almost overwhelmed me but I didn't want everyone to know that I was actually going mad. I could feel my brain snapping but everyone didn't need to know that.

I drove myself home but yet I didn't even know when I got home. I was just floating somewhere in between a complete mental breakdown and a crying wreck. I still couldn't understand what was going on and how I had gotten here and clearly, I would never understand. I parked my car, got down, picked my things and went inside or did I float inside? I think floated would be a better word because I couldn't even feel my legs move.

I wanted to be by myself but somewhere at the back of my mind I knew that wasn't a good idea. So I called the only friend I now have left. Lilly. "Hiiiiiii".
"Sarah! I was just about to call you."
"Could you please come over Lilly? I really don't think it's a good idea to me by myself right now."
"Are you okay? Did something else happen? You know, just hold on. I'll be there shortly."

She didn't lie, because shortly after, she rushed into my living room only to find me sprawled on the floor with a bottle of alcohol tightly in my grasp. I expected her to take it from me or tell me that I had had enough drinking but she didn't. Instead, she went to the  mini bar and helped herself to a bottle as well and we just sat there drinking, neither of us saying anything to each other.

Honestly I was glad she understood. I needed someone around but at the same time I wanted my space and she was giving me just that. I don't know how long we sat down there drinking but somewhere between, I burst out laughing. A look of worry crossed Lilly's face but of course she said nothing, just stared at me and when I had laughed to my heart's content, she asked what made me laugh.

"It's really funny Lilly. Seemed like God had this whole shit going on in my life planned and he knew I needed someone who would understand my moods and then he gave me you. You and I have boy drama going on and the fact that we both needed to get drunk brought us together and now we're friends." Indeed it seemed funny cos the next minute Lilly herself burst out laughing.

After our fit of laughter, I narrated what happened at the office and Lilly went livid. Oh she made a whole speech about how she hated men cos they were blind as well as stupid. And inspite of my current state, I found her outburst funny. "What's up with the divorce?" I asked her and I watched as her shoulders slouched and the next minute she started to cry. I tried comforting her, tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault her husband was an arse.

"Is it stupid that I still love him? Is it stupid that I still wish deep down that he'll tell me he was joking and we'll go back to how we used to be?" I stared at her. She felt what I felt. I mean to some people it might seem stupid but let's face it, we each loved the men in our lives and that love took years to build so of course it won't take a week to just die off. "It's not stupid Lilly. I know just how you feel". Neither of us said anything after that. Just went back to our drinking. Well that was until I got a call from my mom of course.  A house call might I add.

"You open this door right now you sick child!" Sick child? Really? I contemplated not answering the door.  I had no strength for anything. I didn't even have the strength to change out of my work clothes and it's been on me since like 7am and now it's 12pm and I have no strength to take it off let alone deal with my mom's drama. But if I didn't answer the door, she would probably cause a huge scene outside and I have neighbors so I didn't want that.

Lilly gave me a pitiful look as I walked towards the door. I placed my forehead on the door with my hand on the handle and took a very deep and much needed breath before I opened the door only to be met with a huge, hot, painful and unexpected slap from my mom. "What the hell mom! What was that for?"