Big Book Of Sjips One Shots

I'm Real (S)

TW: Angst

Was he insane? No. He couldn't be. Insane, by definition, was someone who was mentally unstable, someone who could not grip reality. Sjin had a grip on reality. But it had a choke hold on him.

He lay there in bed, silent. It was dark. It was quiet. Sips laid next to him, breathing. Breathing. He was alive, wasn't he? Of course he was. Sips was alive, real. Sjin was as well.

So there was no way he could be imaginary.

But laying there, not having anything else to ponder except for that question, Sjin's mind trodded over it repetitively like a horse on a racetrack. His body was stiff, riddle with anxiety and fear.

He was lonely as a kid. Not many other children were around, and his parents... well, bless them. Sjin made friends of his own. Imaginary ones. And, you know. It was a phase, like any child goes through. He knew they weren't real. But taking into account all of the facts... what if his friends still were imaginary?

Sjin turned over in bed, pressing himself up against Sips tightly. He burrowed his face in the crook of his neck forcefully, convincing himself that Sips was there, that their conversations together weren't just in Sjin's head, that he wasn't alone. He gripped onto him tight, tighter than usual, wrapping his arms and legs around the man.

Sjin didn't know why this made him feel better. It was instinctual. It made him feel more real, more alive. That Sips was alive.

Sips sighed and postured his head slightly, waking up a bit. He smacked his lips and opened a drowsy eye. He saw Sjin burrowed onto him, confirming that it was him, and while he was gripped on like the jaws of life, Sips didn't seem to mind. Sjin silently thanked him for this.

But now he was in that half-dreaming, half-conscious limbo, where everything and anything he thought made sense, where fear could take a dictatorship quite easily. But what was the mind capable of? Was it capable to manipulate the sense of scent? Touch? Sight, and hearing? Was he capable of fooling himself into thinking this?

He was scared.

He was scared that...

That one day he would wake up.

And Sips wouldn't be there.

He gave Sips a tight embrace and tried to convince himself he was real. The world was real. That part of him was in the past...

Sips straightened, obviously uncomfortable with the tight hold Sjin had on him. This position was not that uncommon, but the intensity of Sjin's skeleton-crushing hug was getting to be unbearable.

"Hey Sjin," he asked, "you okay?"

Sjin inhaled quickly and let Sips loose. "Um, yeah. Yeah."

Sips turned around, giving Sjin a doubtful look. "No... your eyes are widened, you're breathing in short circuits. You're obviously petrified of something." He blinked and raised an eyebrow. "Nightmare?"

"No, no. Well, sort of. Well... I don't really know."

Sips turned on his back and propped himself up with his elbows. "Yeah?"

"I'm just having those thoughts again. Just... you know. The ones that..." Sjin bit his lower lip. "That things aren't... real."

"Okay."

"That..." Sjin lowered his voice to a feeble whisper. "That you're not real."

Sips looked at his hands, and then back at Sjin. "Last time I checked, I was real."

Sjin tucked his arms into his chest.

"Hey, come here." Sips laid down and scooted closer to Sjin, wrapping an arm around him. "I'm real. I'm here."

"I-I know you are, Sipsy, but... it just feels like..." Sjin sighed. "You probably think I'm mental now, huh?"

Sips scoffed. "Hey." He nudged him in the arm, getting his attention. "I don't think you're mental. It's normal to have those kinds of thoughts. I have them sometimes myself. There's nothing mental about it."

Sjin managed a small smile. "I just... I don't want to wake up and find out it was all a dream. That this was all a dream. That... you were a dream."

"Hey, there's nothing dreamy about me, buster."

Sjin smiled wryly. "I beg to differ."

"I'll always be here, okay? I'll be here for you. I've done too much shit in my life for me to be a figment of your imagination."

"Like what?" Sjin asked dozily.

"Well. I went to college."

"Yeah?"

Sips chuckled slightly. "Yeah. I didn't finish, though."

"What did you major in?"

"Being a Big Bad CEO."

"I think you've already aced that, Sips."

"Yeah. I saw Strife there. And Xeph."

"You went to college with them?"

"Yeah. Where do you think he got the name silk shirt from?"

"I don't know, I thought you just always called him that for no reason. His shirt's not even silk, it's cotton."

"Hah, well he used to wear all silk. It was really awkward, he'd be like 'ey guys' and like, his shirt would just be shimmering all over the place..."

"Heh..."

"Yeah, so me and, well Strife bailed out, but we planned to take all of his shirts, yeah? So I snuck into his room and pulled out his clothes drawer, but then, it like came out and it turns out it was his underwear drawer instead, and those were silk as well..."

"Oh my god, wow."

"Yeah, and then he opened the door-"

"Holy crap, what did you do?"

"I saw the look on his face and couldn't help laughing, holy shit. He was all 'what are you doing?!' and I was like 'your fuckin underpants are silk, man!'" Sips smirked and shrugged. "I probably shouldn't have made fun, but ho-lee shiiiitt..."

"What happened after that?"

"Well, I dropped out. The classes just were too boring. They just started talking about which product to sell, and like how to be nice to all your employees..."

"Oh, hell no."

"Yeah. So then I saw this advertisement, right, and like they were looking for volunteers for this space station."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. So I volunteered and thought I was getting a shit ton of money from it, right?"

"Hmm?"

"But it was volunteering, so I actually didn't get any money from it, so like. Yeah..."

"Aw, that sucks! What the hell..."

"No, but I got something better from it," Sips laid his head on Sjin's chest sleepily.

"What?"

"That's how I met you."

Sjin's throat tightened. His eyes watered and he broke into a smile. "Oh. Oh, Sipsy."

"It's fuckin' true."

"Thank you, Sips."

"Thank you."

Credit to Majenkins13 on Ao3