Deja Vu

Chapter 38: Helpless

When the break is over, everyone comes back together in Crowley's office.

He decides to open up the floor of conversation again, bringing it back to the matter at hand. Crowley seems really determined to make sure that the most important thing doesn't get lost in all of this; "Regardless of the pressure I was under, I treated you both poorly, ___ and Grim. Do you have any more questions for how I treated you that I can answer, and hopefully give you closure for?" He seems well-collected again, ready to face this as best as he can.

Having spent a lot of time with your thoughts, you know exactly what you want him to explain. "What I don't understand is why you kept putting us in danger. I can understand why you covered up everything, but why did you keep sending us into dangerous situations? Why abandon us to deal with Riddle on our own? Why force us to get involved with Leona's whole scheme? Why use your leverage over us to make us get involved with Azul, especially knowing the threat he posed?"

There's a pause as you're obviously thinking. Crowley watches your eyes, knowing that you're not done pulling together your thoughts. He stays quiet.

You continue, only growing more impassioned as you search through your mind; ".. When we called you while we were trapped by Jamil, you didn't answer. You barely even addressed it when you got back! It was like you were avoiding it at every turn! You even forced us to house Vil and the troupe for the talent show, making me the show-runner for them. ... You didn't even warn us that Grim was going to be removed from the campus by Styx! That was terrifying! Malleus' overblot came as a surprise to everyone.. But.. You kept making me responsible for everyone's problems. If you actually gave a shit about anything, if you actually cared about how you were treating us, none of that should have happened!"

Your anger isn't even just about how you were treated, it's about how all of your friends were treated. None of those overblots should have happened. None of them should have reached that point.

Crewel has been reading through the student letters again, so he looks up to you from a disheveled collection of papers to insert the question "Were you ever even formally inducted as the school's prefect?"

You're frustrated as you exasperatedly throw your arms up into the air, turning to Crewel. "No! I never agreed to any of the responsibility that was thrust on me. It just was put on my shoulders, and I had to adapt or die! One day, I was abducted to this place, the next I was a janitor in with Grim, and the next I was a dorm leader, and before I knew it, people were calling me the school's prefect!"

Being a prefect is significantly more responsibility than a normal student. It's a student-held position where they have to run school functions and be available for problem-solving solutions for problems that stump the other dorm leaders. In terms of responsibility, they're like an even more intense student body president. You were treated as though it were your personal responsibility to make the school operate smoothly on the student ends of things.

Not only were you forced to meet the same standards as everyone else while having no magic, you were also forced to be the acting pillar of the whole community. An example of excellence.

And every time you failed to meet that expectation, you were reprimanded for it.

The room is quiet again as Crowley realizes you're done, but it's hard for him to bring himself to give you the answer. You realize you've vented some of your frustration in a bit of an aggressive way as you feel Grim put his paw against your forearm, and you look down into the eyes of your furry friend, who looks to you with quiet concern. Grim knows better than anyone how much you've held this back, and he just wants to make sure you know you're not alone as you finally make your voice heard.