Taming the beast (girlxintersex) Book 2

chapter

Chapter 35

Karib POV

"How are you feeling right now as we talk?" My therapist asked. Her name was Doctor Travis, although I'd rather say therapist. I've been seeing her for about four years. I've been living in denial about my mental health for the past year and a half, even though I hurt the lady I previously loved. I still love.

"How should I feel?" Because something tells me that feeling guilty for five years straight wasn't supposed to happen. "Because a part of me is quite proud of what happened five years ago." I released a portion of myself onto the woman I cherish.

"That'd be Sid, right?" She inquired, writing in her little fancy notepad.

"Hmm..."

"Sid. Doesn't she help you out?"

"She's destroyed my life."

"That wasn't what she told me."

"Because she's lying. A blatant liar. How can she sit there and say she hasn't impaired my life? The woman I love vanished off the face of the earth. Never to return. Just a silly letter." I dug into my pocket and took out the letter. The paper was worn and thin. It felt like dust, ready to crumble into nothing in an instant. I spent years reading it, repeatedly.

"Yes, you showed me the letter. However, the question remains unanswered. How do you feel right now, as we speak?"

"Guilty!" I snapped.

"Why are you feeling guilty, Ms. Tates? Did you do something that made you feel guilty?"

"I have told you innumerable times."

"Just as you've read that letter innumerable times. Tell me again why you feel guilty."

"I could've gotten help. Instead I turned my back on help."

She lowered her head, her prune-like fingers gripping the pen and writing something. Her shambling state reminds me of my previous therapist, Doctor Mazed. It always makes me wonder whether she will eventually give up on me, as she has.

"What help did you turn your back on?" When Doctor Mazed reached out to me and offered me an alternative therapist, I told her I was OK. If anything, I was falling deeper and further. I couldn't control her. I lost all control. Doctor Mazed stated that Sid was not to be controlled, but rather worked with her. I just couldn't work with her. She was stubborn and wanted her own way.

"Doctor Mazed, she, uhm...reached out to me. I assured her that Sid was no longer with me and that I felt well."

"Was she gone? At that period."

"No. She isn't going away. The only way I can get rid of her is to die, and if she ruins my life again, that is exactly what I will do." I said. The paper reverted to its initial folding, which I discreetly put back into my pocket.

"Suicide will not solve the problem. You have to confront it."

"How can I deal with something that is a part of me? That's impossible, Doctor Travis. The only way is to kill me, and it will die along with me.

"Do you believe she'll be back?"

"No."

"The letter said differently."

"Why would she come back to me?" She merely stated it wasn't my fault to justify punishing me further. She knows it's my fault. I was the one who gave her everything then took everything back. Do you suppose she sees Sid's face and her bad deeds? She sees mine."

"What would you do if she does come back?"

I gazed at her for quite some time. I supposed that was a good question. What if she really do comes back?

"You never considered it?"

"Never." Inaya was pure and gorgeous; she must have been taken up. Someone that was not a beast. Someone with more love, compassion, and fucking everything.

"So what would you do?" She repeated.

"Make it right."