Human Design | Sirius Black

xviii. Love Doesn't Respect The Law, Nor Obey Any King

THIS WAS WRONG

Her mouth didn't feel right. No matter how hard Reece tried to be lost in the movement, in the sensation, attempted to close his eyes and imagine something else, he couldn't get her to feel right. 

Maybe her lips were too soft, maybe too tender or too hungry, maybe too thin or too plump, or maybe they just refused to synchronise with his. Reece had always been told that kissing wasn't all that difficult, that it would come naturally when the situation arose, "your lips will know what to do", but it didn't feel like it was at all easy to lose himself in the rhythm and he had to focus hard in carrying out the correct choreography just as he did with the rest of his body. It was improper form, he couldn't get his energy efficiently, and he was targeting incorrect muscle groups and using his energy for wasted movements.

His hands held onto her waist but it wasn't right, her skin felt like it was coated in acid that corroded away his nerve endings and now he felt nothing. She had to keep trying to get him to move them up but each time they would sink back down to her waist. Her perfume was suffocating, it clung to the inside his lungs like a disease and caused a thudding at his temples and as it blended in with the artificial berry scent in her hair, the essence threatened to drown him altogether.

Reece did his best to ignore it but when ignoring it didn't help, he attempted to think about something else, bring forth recollections of moringa, sawdust, jasmine, sandstone, gasoline, mask the flavour on his tongue with coffee or cigarettes and for a few seconds he could imagine he was kissing somebody else altogether, some hybrid of the men he really wanted to be kissing because if he morphed them all into one, somehow he could convince himself it wasn't as bad if He did not have a distinct identity, but then her lips would always remind him that it wasn't right and her perfume would suffocate him and the mirage would break.

Karli must have realised that there was something wrong – not that it would have been difficult to notice, frankly, it was surprising the pretence had lasted this long – because she finally pulled back, sitting up as she brushed her hair out of her face to look down at him. 

Laboured breaths fanned out through her parted lips and Reece moved his attention to her eyes, not wanting to stand in such direct confrontation from his critics but the look in her eyes wasn't any easier to face. "Are you too fucked or something?" she asked, gasping to catch her breath.

"Yeah," he nodded and then closed his eyes. Hopefully, he could pass it off as being a result of shame but really he just couldn't stand looking at anything because all the parts of her body were collected there to stage his intervention. "Sorry. Too much alcohol." Hopefully, she hadn't been paying too much attention to him in the previous hours because then she would know he hadn't had more than one and a half rum and cokes which barely even gave him a distant buzz – the only buzz inside him then was the angry nest of wasps at the back of his throat.

"Don't worry about it," she said, her voice kind and Reece guessed she was smiling though he still refused to look at her. Karli's weight on his lap shifted and the gentle jingle of her bracelets informed him that she must have been getting dressed. At least his act of humiliation was believable because she continued, "No need to be embarrassed – if anything, I'm embarrassed; I've never had this problem with anyone before." A laugh rang out of her throat though it was intended more to herself than him and then her weight disappeared completely as she stood up and finally Reece allowed his eyes to open, pulling his knees up toward his chest. He watched as Karli sat on the edge of the bed again to get her shoes back on. When she was done, she stood up and hovered a moment. "Well, I'll just ... head out then," she said. "I'll – uh – see you around." Karli smiled again before twirling around on her heels.