Naya and Vince

65

I heard the glass door slide shut behind me but I didn't move my attention from the evening sky. Vincent had left me in the kitchen to get some cartons of juice to fill the fridge with so I decided to get some breeze at the backyard. I was so in need of the air that Vincent's dog strolling around didn't bother me. He had assured me that it wouldn't bite. I sure hoped so.

"Here you go," Vincent said to me handing me a small carton of Ribena as he stood by my side.

I tore my gaze from the sky and shook my head at him. I was not in the mood. If I wanted to drink anything, it had to be alcohol.

Vincent gave me an apologetic look. He pierced the straw into his juice box and sucked. I watched as a look of delight settled on his face. It made me crave something strong, something to make me forget that the encounter with my mother happened.

Tears clouded my vision at the memory of my mother's words, I had to turn away so that Vincent wouldn't see the few drops that escaped.

But Vincent decided to be nosy. He left his position to stand where I was facing now. He was going to see me cry. Again. The thought of how weak I was being made me feel fragile. I hated it. But I wouldn't deny the fact that it felt good to have someone here especially now that Richard wasn't around.

Vincent held my cheek and lifted my face to face him. He wiped a tear track with his thumb. That look of concern on his face, it melted me.

"You're crying." He didn't want to ask me what was wrong. He hadn't tried to since. I guess he wanted me to talk when I wanted but I didn't want to. It's not like he could offer any solution. There was simply no solution unless somehow he would magically make me feel less like shit.

"I'm fine." I removed his hands from my cheeks and wiped the stubborn tears. "My eyes just water on their own nowadays."

Vincent furrowed his brows. The look on his face was something between a frown and a look of concern. "Really Ro?"

"What?!" I yelled at him, doing my very best to hold in the tears. A lump had formed in my throat and it was making breathing harder.

She hates me.

I thought that I was used to that truth. I thought that if I ever saw her again I wouldn't long for her or wish that she would tell me she missed me. I just figured that I had been living a lie. I wanted her to love me.

Damn! I needed her to love me. All these years, I had subconsciously made excuses for her absence, subtly lying to myself that it wasn't because she hated me. When I was younger, though I told myself I didn't want her, I would still always daydream about her coming back after realizing how much she missed me. Who on earth was I kidding?

I can't love you.

My heart constricted painfully at the memory of our meeting.

"Ah!" I screamed. "I just want to hurt myself!" I yelled ruffling my overgrown hair.

The frown on Vincent's face morphed into a glare. "What is this about?"

I took few steps away from him. "My mother hates me." I removed my hand from my head and they went limp by my side. In a small voice I continued, "My mother hates me. My father hates me. The universe hates me. Everybody hates me-"

"Stop! That's not true Ro." Vincent interrupted me taking my two hands.

I stared at his face, wishing I could believe him. "You don't know that." I pulled my hands from his and punched the closest wall with all energy in me. Pain spasmed through my arm to my heart. I suppressed my cry of pain. It hurt so much but then it surpassed the pain in my heart and I loved it. I wanted to punch the wall again but Vincent held my fist.