Uncharted

Chapter Four

4

February 2018

On I-5 headed south to Redding, CA

CJ sat in the passenger seat of her aunt's SUV, looking out the window at the passing snowy landscape. Her expression was blank, and she was silent, but inside she was having a meltdown and trying to not let it leak out onto her face.

"You ok?" She wanted to turn and snap at her aunt in panic induced frustration but held her tongue.

"Ya, just tired and sore. I want to get home and go to bed." She winced in pain as she shifted her broken wrist which was now in a cast and sling. Thankfully, her hip was just badly bruised. However, her broken bone and bruises were the least of her concerns. Her initial shock had worn off and now her mind was racing. Three months pregnant and she had no fucking clue. There was a whole ass person in there. The doctor had given her an ultrasound picture to take, and she was shocked at how formed and human-like the fetus looked. The size of a peach, is what the doctor had said. There had been no indications. Her stomach was still flat, she hadn't been sick, and nothing felt different. She had been fatigued, but with the depression she had been in for the past couple of months, that wasn't abnormal.

What was she going to do? She was still having a hard time believing it. She had not been on birth control during the time she and Duff had been together. She had decided against it when he had told her he had a vasectomy. Another poor choice.

CJ had always been unsure about children. She enjoyed spending time with kids, but the idea of being a mother had frightened her for most of her life, and she could not completely articulate why. Deep down, she knew a part of her had always been irrationally afraid that she would be a bad mother, much like her own. She was still unsure. She knew she had options, but her mind was reeling too rapidly for her to think straight about it. She was just focused on keeping her breathing calm and not appearing outwardly distressed to her aunt.

She could not call him. She would not. Fuck him. This was none of his business. He wanted nothing to do with her, that had been clear. At the thought, tears welled up in her eyes. She discreetly wiped them away.

"I can clean and put up your gear if you wanna go in and rest." CJ surfaced from her own thoughts to the sound of Mindy's voice and realized they were home.

"Thanks," she said, managing a small smile of gratitude towards her aunt before hopping out of the car. Her own car, an older model black Jeep Wrangler, pulled up with Michelle sitting in the driver's seat. CJ stiffly made her way to the front door and unlocked it. The house was warm and inviting. She went to set her discharge paperwork down on the kitchen table and then thought better of it. She did not need her aunt or Michelle looking through it. She hobbled to her room and quickly shut the door behind her. She needed solitude to think clearly. With her good hand, she slowly pulled all of her clothes off and made her way over to the dresser to grab a pair of comfortable sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt. On the way, she passed by the full-length mirror on the wall. She looked pitiful. Her face was marred with exhaustion and her dark black and purple bruised hip looked gross. She cringed at her own appearance but took a closer look at herself. She tried to see some sign of pregnancy on her body, turning to the side. She ran her hand down her breasts and stomach. Everything looked and felt the same, there was not even a hint of a bump. She wanted to believe that the doctor was wrong. Doctors get things wrong sometimes. That's what she was going to tell herself so she could lay down and get some much-needed sleep. She'd go get a second opinion later this week. She tried not to think about the ultrasound picture still in her pants pocket on the floor with the clear, undisputable proof.