Uncharted

Chapter Seven

Trigger Warning: Abortion

7

February 2018

Planned Parenthood / Redding, California

CJ sat in a waiting room, nervously biting her fingernails, trying to keep her nerves from overflowing into sheer terror. The room was painted a bright blue, a television on low volume droned in the background, there was a large coffee table with an array of pamphlets on them. She tried to read some of them, making herself focus on something. Birth control options. Ways to protect against STDs. All about prenatal care. First time mother. CJ felt a wave of nausea, looking away. She was alone in the waiting room, sitting in a corner chair, cocooned in her large winter jacket. If only she could sink into her jacket and not return.

It was mid-day. CJ had made the appointment when she knew her aunt and Michelle would be working, thinking she was still at home, recovering with her wrist and hip. The clinic had not been a far drive, but she had taken it slow, driving with her good hand. She wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible while keeping her panic at bay. Once it was done, she could pretend it never happened. She could go on with her life.

A nurse appeared from the hallway and CJ looked up at her, feeling as if this woman had come to take her to the slaughter. The nurse smiled warmly at her, and CJ focused on the red lipstick she was wearing, trying to grasp onto something to ground herself. The woman spoke to her.

"Are you Ms. Thompson?" CJ gave a small nod, unable to find her own voice. "If you are ready, we can head on back." She willed herself out of her seat and followed the nurse into the hallway. Her head was spinning as she wondered how she had ended up here. It's a quick procedure, it'll be over soon.

The nurse took CJ's vitals and weight before bringing her to an exam room. She beckoned her to take a seat on the exam chair as she looked at the paperwork CJ had filled out.

"I see you've opted for a surgical abortion." CJ nodded to the nurse's statement, still unable to speak. She cleared her throat and found it to be terribly dry. She began to have a coughing fit. The nurse quickly set her clipboard down and opened a cabinet, pulling out a bottle of water for CJ. The nurse gave CJ a look of sympathy as she quickly drank down some of the water. When she came up for air, she was finally able to speak.

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous."

"It's natural to be nervous, sweetheart. I'll do my best to make you as comfortable as possible." CJ nodded, her anxiety lowering with the woman's kind words. Once CJ had taken another sip of water and appeared somewhat visibly calmer, the nurse continued.

"We are going to do an ultrasound first, just to make sure you have not had a miscarriage and that the pregnancy is correctly placed in your uterus. Afterwards, I'll have you watch an informational video on the procedure before we get started. How does that sound?"

"Ok," said CJ with a slight nod.

"I'll leave you to change, unless you need help?" The nurse indicated towards her cast.

"I should be ok." The nurse pulled a clean hospital gown out from a cupboard and handed it to her.

"I'll be right back." She exited the room, and it was suddenly very quiet. She slowly unfolded the hospital gown on her lap as she focused on calmly breathing in and out. It'll all be over soon.

CJ could not change quickly enough, as she tried to wrestle her shirt over her head. After stripping down and throwing her clothing in a pile in the corner, she pulled the hospital gown on. She leaned back in the exam chair, focusing on the shape of the square ceiling tiles, trying to disassociate herself out of the office. A quick knock on the door brought her back to reality and the same nurse re-entered the room.