One Night Away | Lucius Malfoy x Reader

Chapter 29: Fallen from Grace

Life at Hogwarts hasn't stopped without us. Draco and I had to come back to school, even with all the things going on in our life right now. Draco's luck is that he knows how he feels, devasted, sad, grieving, alone, abandoned. I don't know how I feel. I feel sad, devastated, abandoned but also angry, full of rage, betrayed. I don't know if I miss Lucius or if I'm happy that he is gone. And now I have to act like nothing happened. Like my life did not fall into pieces. At least, the teachers leave me and Draco alone since they know what has happened. Everybody knows. The Daily Prophet makes sure that everybody knows. The day after the trial, they printed an article about Lucius' imprisonment. They even used a photo they made of Draco and me leaving the trial. The article goes like:

AZKABAN'S LATEST RESIDENT
with a photo of Lucius

And the next article is named:

FALLEN FROM GRACE
MALFOY'S SON AND MISTRESS LEAVE THE TRIAL
with a photo of Draco and me

Even after such a terrible experience for us, they make these insinuations about Lucius and me because they know he can't do anything about it now.

On the other hand at Hogwarts, Professor Snape is now looking after Draco and me. He observes our every move and makes sure that no one gets into trouble. It's good to know that there is someone looking out for me but I have this feeling that Professor Snape knows the truth. The truth about me and Lucius.

"I hope you still find the time to learn for your exams Ms. Y/N", he says.

"Yes, I do", I sigh and look at the floor.

Professor Snape looks at me: "I know this is a difficult time for you but I'm sure Lucius would have wanted for you to keep studying."

Rage fills me at the mention of what Lucius would have wanted for me. He doesn't even know what he wants for himself, how is he supposed to tell me what I should want?

"Excuse me professor but I don't really know if I should listen to someone who is now sitting in Azkaban for life."

Snape chuckles: "You may be right there so let me say this differently: you should want to pass your exams for yourself. It's important for your future in the wizarding world."

Professor Snape is right, I need to keep up with this stuff, even if I feel like dying right now. I didn't expect Hogwarts to be so difficult.

"You're right professor, but you shouldn't worry about me. You should worry about Draco. I'm not sure if he even went out of his dorm other than for his lessons today", I remind Snape.

"I know. His father's imprisonment made a huge impact on him. But I also know that you're not okay too."

I look at Snape and see deep sincerity in his eyes. After everything they said about him, he still does care about his Slytherin students.

"I'm not okay, that's right. But I think Draco needs more attention right now. I can keep going like this but I don't know if he can."

Snape looks at me before he decides: "Alright, I will check on him if you really think I can leave you alone."

He stands up and leaves the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and feelings. I still don't know how to feel and I feel like a traitor if I let out my anger in front of Draco because Lucius is still his father but I also feel like I'm betraying myself if I act like I'm devastated. There's no right way to feel.

---

I sit down at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall for Dinner. Pansy, Blaise and Draco are already seated in their seats and greet me when I arrive.

"Hey Y/N! How are you?", Pansy asks me.

"I'm good, thanks", I lie but she knows that I'm lying.

She looks at me with pity in her yes but I try to act like I don't notice it.

"Do you two want to join Pansy and me in the common room later?", Blaise asks Draco and me.

Draco doesn't say anything but looks right in front of him. I'm not even sure if he's heard Blaise's question. He just zoned out completely.

"I think I'm going to sleep directly ", I reply and Blaise and Pansy look at each other sadly.

They try their best to cheer us up but that's impossible at the moment. I can't feel any happiness now.

---

A few weeks after Lucius' imprisonment, I decide to visit the Malfoy Manor on the weekend. Draco joins me and we travel to the Manor. I am flooded by many emotions and memories while I enter the Manor.

"It feels so empty", I whisper.

"I didn't think it could feel any emptier when mother left but now I see that I was very wrong", Draco says while looking around.

We both walk into our bedrooms to unpack our things but I don't feel like unpacking. Instead, I walk down the stairs into the living room and remember how Lucius played music here, how we used to sit on the sofa, how we spent time here. My eyes water and I quickly wipe the tears away.

Stay strong Y/N.

I walk to the sofa and sit down on it. Normally, Lucius would sit next to me and hold me in his arms, making me feel like I'm safe from every danger in the world. But that was the past. Turns out that Lucius is one of the dangers of the world. He is a Death Eater and he has killed people. And I fell in love with him. I fell in love with a monster. Lucius Malfoy is a monster. I start to cry at the memories. How could I be so stupid and believe him? Believe him that his Death Eater time has passed and that he's a different person now. I'm so stupid. I let him touch me, I let him touch my heart. I came to this reality because of him. And now, I see that it was all for nothing. I'm pathetic. And now I can't stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. I take a pillow and put my face in it to cry. So many supressed emotions come up and I don't know what to do with it. It's so overwhelming. I have supressed them for so long. I look up from the pillow and my eyes fall directly on Lucius armchair where he used to sit and drink his whiskey. Lucius and his pathetic whiskey. Lucius and his pathetic habit of sitting there and drinking. Lucius is so pathetic. How could he do this to me? He said that he loves me but someone who loves you wouldn't do this. I throw the pillow at his armchair from the anger but then I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"I've been wondering when you'll finally break down", Draco says from behind and sits down next to me.

"Draco, I didn't want you to...", I say but he interrupts me.

"No, it's okay. You were there for me when I needed you most and now I'm here for you. I know that you feel betrayed by father. You two were very close and then you saw him as a Death Eater. I was angry at him too, I understand you", Draco hugs me.

"I didn't want you to see my anger towards your father. He's still your father", I sob into Draco's arms.

"It's okay Y/N, let it all out."

And we sit there on the sofa the whole night, just hugging each other without saying another word. Because that's what we needed, to feel each other's presence.