A Little Too Late /m.g.c/

7

June 10, 2013

Now I don't want to be the one to speak the obvious but something isn't right. I hate this feeling. I have it all the time and I think I'm growing used to it. That scares me, add that to the list of things that scares me. But you know Mama, I'm only doing this for you.

Even though you aren't physically here, I know you loved him. I know he loved you and at some odd point, he loved me which right now is hard to believe. I only have a little bit till I can be on my own and possibly start over completely.

But that short time period seems like eternity. Not only eternity, but eternity in hell. Nobody wants to live in that sort of environment. I'm not even sure how much longer I can take of it.

You can only take so much shit before you come to a stopping point and say "To hell with it" an give up trying completely. I don't wish to be in that certain percentage of people.

My mind says, "You are a fighter. Keep pushing because even though the grass may not always be greener on the other side, it's still an accomplishment to say you made it through the challenges of going there."

But my body says, "I can't physically do this. I have taken so much pain I can't feel it anymore. I have nothing more to give and nothin to lose."

The only thing I had to loose was you and Michael. I lost him before you. That hurt a lot more than it should have I think. I remember I would walk in your room and talk to you about him through a different approach. I wouldn't come out and say it, I just asked in ways that you didn't see that I was having trouble.

I took those moments for granted cause now, all I wish for is to go back in time and say "I have boy trouble and I need your help." That's where I messed up and I realize that now.

I don't even want to show up at school because of what's going on. Nothing is making sense, my mind wanders else where and people see through me like never before.

I'm pretty much defending for myself in this bad ass world that we call home. Not only is it terrifying, but it's even worse when you travel the journey alone.

Love you always,
Destiny

Michael didn't know what to do. He had a feeling of revenge and worry wash upon him. He didn't want to go after somebody who he doesn't know but he felt as if there was nothing else to do.

He walked back in the house and grabbed his keys and barreled out of the town, destination her arms.

He wasn't sure if he should be really doing this or of he was getting himself stuck into something that was worse than needed to be. Michael fought back tears the whole drive and he couldn't come up with any words. He hasn't seen Destiny in a while.

He wasn't even sure if she would look the same, if she would remember him or if she had a burning hate for him.

Everything was still so confusing to him. Instead he pulled over on the side of the road and dialed the number. It rang twice before someone picked up. "Hello?" A woman spoke and Michael felt his heart drop to his stomach.

'D-Destiny? Is that you?" He stuttered and the woman stiffened. "Uh yes sir. Who is this?" Michael let his breath go and swallowed the lump in his throat as a tear slid down his cheek.

"Michael, this is Michael." Destiny gasped and dropped the phone hoping (more like praying) that her father hadn't woken from the sudden impact. She held her breath and listened for stomping up the stairs. Nothing happened and she heard a slam come from the kitchen.

"I'm going out. Don't be surprised if I'm not home later." Her father slurred and walked out the door, making sure he slammed it as he closed it."

She heard Michael's tiny voice through the phone and put it back to her ear. "Babe, is everything alright? Please say something Destiny." Michael pleaded and she let out a sigh. "Yea I'm fine. How the hell did you get my number?" Her voice was turning cold and Michael noticed.

"I-I looked it up, is that alright?" He asked trying to stay as calm for her as possible. "I don't give two shits Mikey." Her hand flew up to her mouth and she instantly felt bad for two reasons. One, she had never talked to anyone like that and she didn't like the way it felt and two, she hadn't said 'Mikey' since they were in school. Which was almost a year.

"Okay, um do you think we can talk for a minute?" Michael asked politely. "What are we doing now? Having tea with the Queen? No we are talking." Her words cut through his heart and she now had tears rolling down her face. She tried to wipe them away with her sleeve then the tears were coming down too fast for her to wipe away.

"Oh uh, I w-was wondering how things were going?" His voice wavered from the tears coming down his face. He tugged at his hair as he had asked the stupidest question he could have possibly asked. He knew things were tough but she didn't know he got the letters.

Destiny had so much she wanted to say, she wanted her heart to speak, not her mind. Her heart wanted to spill everything to Michael and have him hold her and everything be alright. Her mind thought of completely opposite things, making her sound like she was tough when she knew she wasn't.

"Things are fine. What about you?" She genuinely wanted to know how he was doing. She did love him at some point. Hell she knew what she was feeling but she pushed it to the back of her mind. "I'm... I don't know... I'm a fucking wreck." Her heart felt like it was being pulled apart for another time. "Destiny, do you still live in town?" He asked and she nodded. "Y-yes I do." "Can we meet up somewhere? I think it would be best if we talked in person. Please Des." He sobbed into the phone and she anxiously nodded.

"Yes. Can we do it now? Like in thirty minutes at the restaurant downtown?" She asked trying to hold her own sobs back. "Yes. I'll be there. I promise." They hung up and she sobbed for a few minutes before going to shower.

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Okay... 'I Won't Let Go' by Rascal Flatts makes this more emotional I think. I think it describes Michael perfectly in this chapter.