Their untold secrets

Ch.5 [en.3] (is it alright to be not okay?)

En. 3

Is it okay to admit you're not okay?

The expectations of people, cause you to think it's never alright to show weakness.

You're not allowed to be weak in front of people. You're not supposed to show vulnerability.

I, don't think I've ever admitted I'm not alright.
I've never found the need to.

But the ever growing pressure causes me to doubt- Doubt, that my decision to leave was a good one.

Odasaku? What am I supposed to do?
Mori said it himself, I was born to be in the mafia. I'm not fit for anything else.

Vulnerability is a choice, you can choose to be vulnerable in front of someone. Show them that you are a person... show them that you're not as strong as you seem to be.

That you're allowed to feel such emotions.

You only need to find one person. One person is all you need to feel comfortable with. this one person- is the person that you can show your vulnerability and weakness to.

I had a choice, I can choose to continue never showing my vulnerability, or I could've opened up to the one person I trusted... the one person that was there for me through everything. Him,

heh- I never thought I would be so attached. Since I have left, I have felt things I never thought I could.

Sadness, loneliness, and hungry- these are feelings...I never thought a thing like me could experience.

I honestly never thought such a heartless monster like me, could be hungry for affection.
His affection, the way he held my hand, hugged me, whispered sweet nothings into my ear, and his kiss...the way his lips molded perfectly into mine, like they were meant to be- as he held my face and pressed our foreheads together, with a closed eye smile.

He was so perfect- to perfect in fact. I never thought I would ever get the chance to see such an amazing human being...

...

I'm fine- is what I tell everyone, but if you saw what's under my bandages...you would disagree.

You're not supposed to lie to others, but what about lying to yourself?

I think if you lie to yourself enough, you'll eventually believe it... just like- I've told myself who knows how many times I'm not human-... I could never be human or achieve something even close.

People are magnificent creatures, they could be stupid, illogical, and harmful. But they feel... they feel the joys of life and the sorrow it brings.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine...

But what if-...I'm not?

What if I'm not alright and never have been.

If only it was possible..

Possible for me to be not alright.

But I was told, that a demon should never show weakness, never have such filthy emotions, never have attachments. 

That's who I am... The Demon prodigy

-dazai osamu

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The demon prodigy was at a loss... this title- that he had gotten for all his wrong doing... was the title of praise, praising him of every wrong thing he ever done.

It started at the young age of 14, he was introduced, and his mind was manipulated into becoming the killing machine he is today.

He was supposed to be a child, a child that could live out his life like any normal person.