Lover man (Oh, where can you be)

22

with effort, trying to catch the needed air from his running. He shows a question mark on his face, taking the fact the waiter was waiting for him by surprise. For what exactly? He has no idea. The elder man goes inside for a moment after asking to wait for him, when he returns, he has a white envelope in his right hand. He offers it to Jeongguk. “This is for you.” When he receives the envelope, he knows what it is about by observing the perfect calligraphy in Hangul. He wants to cry in sheer frustration, but he controls himself in the presence of the Hotel’s worker. "Thanks," he says quickly, wanting to get out of there, his memory playing tricks on him. Jeongguk goes to the bathroom, knowing the path of memory. He closes the door and frantically opens the letter, his fingers trembling as he stretches the paper with his hands. He reads,

Dear Jeongguk,

I’m writing this letter because I’m a coward, even when I don’t show myself as one. I even write you in Hangul, for fear that someone close to Gustav will find this and know what I'm talking about. The last months have been so special, knowing you was the best thing that has happened to me since I first set foot in France. You made me feel unique, beautiful and special in your eyes and it is the best gift I could have asked for. I would like to tell you that everything we did was absolutely perfect, from talking for hours about our lives and dreams, to making love. I've never felt something like that for someone and I'm happy that someone was you. I'm so in love with you, in case you didn't notice before. So, so in love. You’re everything I think, almost obsessively, but I know my presence –although it brings entertaining and desirable things in your life— is not welcome. My presence reminds you of everything you shouldn't do and what you cannot leave behind and to a certain extent, you’re the same for me. You remind me of what I cannot have, or what I can’t leave, even when it's the only thing I want to do. I’m going to America to undertake new challenges, moving away from you to give you peace of mind and action. I just want to ask you one thing, even if I don’t have to or if I have no right to do so, but… be happy? Be happy and healthy, it's the only thing I want for you.
To my first and only love,

Always yours,

Taehyung