I hate him

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I hate him. 

Whenever I'm bored, I catch myself looking at the back taking a quick glance at him. I look at him whenever he smiles, I hear him whenever he says my name, and in the end I try avoiding him.

I hate him. 

I try distancing myself to him. I can't look at him without feeling this shitty feeling. I don't want to talk to him because of my feelings. I try pushing away those feelings cause I know he won't like me back. I try to not be around him. I try pushing myself away from him.

I hate him.

I want to smack him in the face. I want to kick him away from me. I want to be angry at him. I want to say words to him instead I feel like there is a thorn in my throat, making it bleed as it reaches my heart and my mouth tasting the bitterness sweet feelings I feel. 

I hate him.

Why him?

Out of all the people why my friend? A friend who treated me right, a friend who I can trust, a friend who is like the same as me, a friend who I can't  bring myself to hate. Behind all these mixed complicated feelings; he is still a friend of mine that I care about.    

How can I bring myself to hate a person that is one of the important people I cherish about?

I hate him.

I hate him that I think about him.

-Sun

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