Chasing Darkness

Chapter 20

We were gonna play some games in the park.

Mood; no mood really.

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Nicola, Luke, and Donny were all playing frisbee while Marcus was playing his guitar to me.

I enjoyed listening to Marcus play, it soothed me. It made me feel at ease.
I turn and look at him, he's in grossed in his guitar to even notice me staring.

The look in his eye when he's focused is beautiful. The passion in his eye is simply breath taking. I find myself lost in them so many times.

When I look back up at him, I see him staring straight back at me and a smile plays at his lips.
"You're beautiful, you know that..?"

We were sitting in my room, and I was staring into the mirror.

"I don't think you get it. I am not 'beautiful'. You don't see what I see when I look in the mirror. You don't hear the voices in my head telling me I'm fat Marcus.." A single tear rolled down my cheek but Marcus brushed it away and wrapped his arms around me as he pulled me into his tight embrace.

"My biggest fear is that you'll eventually see me the way I see myself. Marcus.. You just don't understand." He shakes his head and smiles at me.

" You go home everyday.. You look in the mirror and you think that you're ugly. That you're fat. But I think you need to get a better mirror. Or maybe look a little closer. Because I see pure beauty. And I while do whatever it takes to make you see what I see." He caresses my cheek before planting a kiss to my forehead and whispers to me.

"I know what it's like Rose.. I know what it's like to be afraid of your own mind.."

Since then, he helped me see the beauty in myself. He opened my eyes to see I don't need to be perfect. Or super skinny to feel beautiful.
But now that I think about it. He had been giving me hints all along. Of the voices. The thoughts in his head.. And I never realized it. My poor Marcus was suffering alone all this time..

I kiss his cheek quickly and smile at him. "I know because you helped me realize it." I notice the small blush on his cheeks and I laugh softly. He smiles then turns his head away from he and goes back to playing the guitar.

After a while he stands up. "I'm going to go get us all something to eat. I'll be back." As soon as he leaves a feel a tap on my shoulder and I shutter at the touch.

Then I hear a deep chuckle and Luke sits next to me.
"I'm not going to hurt you Rose." I snort at his response.
"Where have I heard that before..?" I roll my eyes at him. Though I've slightly forgiven him I'm not fully trusting him.
"I didn't mean to hurt you rose. You just, overreacted like you always do. You get so hot headed sometimes and it's quite annoying."

That did it. I'm through.
" You have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already know them, and Oh, you didn't mean to hurt me? Well then what the heck did you mean to do? You said you'd always be there for me but you weren't luke. You have no idea how much you hurt me with the fact that I will never be good enough for you." After my out burst we both stayed silent for what seemed like eternity.

"Did you ever stop.. You know?" He managed to squeak out. I sigh and shake my head.
" I never stopped luke. I just simply stopped showing that I care about you."

We were sitting in the fountain of the park. It had been the day before our big fight.

"You can't be afraid of falling in love Rose." I shake my head laughing at him. If only he knew.

"Falling in love isn't my fear luke. Love is pretty constant, my fear is the people I fall in love with." I look up and his eyes meet mine as I continue, "People aren't constant, they change all the time.."

And that's exactly what happened. Everything changed. Even I changed. But that love stayed the same.

I stand up and as I'm about to go check on the rest of the gang. Luke speaks up and stops me in my tracks.
"I..I think it's stupid.. I get really jealous when I think of anyone else having you, when I myself don't even have you anymore." He chuckles half heartily and I go back and sit next to him.

I stay silent for about 3 seconds before speaking up. "You never lost me Luke." I give him a warm smile, " I just think we should follow your own advise for once. And let go. I'm not telling you to give up because. That's not my right. But, letting go isn't really about giving up, no, it's more about.. Accepting the fact that there are things that simply just can't be. And we.. We just simply are something that can't be." I give him my biggest smile and he returns it nodding. And just then Marcus arrives.

"I GOT TACO BELL YA SAVAGES!"