Chasing Darkness

Chapter 24

Mood: Check the media
Warning: self harm
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I've been staying with Donny since the incident, four days ago, also the fact my mom left out of town and Donnys mom offered to take care of me while she is gone.

The night of the incident Donny told him mother what happened, he just couldn't leave me alone, he felt as if I just wasn't stable enough to be by myself, truth be told I don't blame him, I don't trust myself either..
But Donny has made the pain more bearable, just two days ago, he took me out to the town square, at first I opposed the idea but I'm glad he convinced me to go, he won me a stuffed panda, we got some smoothies, and just spend the day wondering around looking at the shops, its been the most fun I've had in a while..

At first I didn't really understand why he was taking me out but after I was laughing till I had tears rolling down my eyes did I notice the huge smile on his face.
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"Oh my gosh, Donny! Stop, it hurts!" I laugh out loud, my stomach hurt and tears were streaming down my face, people walking around us turned to look at me as if I was crazy.
I look up at Donny and notice the huge grin on his face.
"There's that beautiful smile.. Took it long enough to come back."
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After that we've just been going out to hang out at the same spot and just relax.
For a moment I felt as if I was getting better.
For a moment I was feeling happy
For a moment I loved life.
For a moment I had hope..
And in a moment I lost it all again.

Donny was talking to me about some Gravity Falls video and right behind him, leaning against a building, I saw them together and I felt my whole world shatter.

There they were, kissing and being as lovey dovey as could be.. The worst part, was when he looked up and saw he.. He smiled, the heartless fool smiled at me before going back to making out with her.

I felt something snap inside me. I quickly got up. I had no idea how it all happened, it felt so fast. One moment I was sitting with Donny, the next I'm running as far away from there as I could.
And now I find myself locked inside a bathroom, leaning next to the door with blood pouring from my shaking wrists and a razor blade with blood on it on the ground..
Donny pounding at the door, and me not even caring.

How could I do this to myself? How could I let this happen to me? All because I'm madly in love with that fool. He isn't worth this, I don't want this to be what becomes of me.
I slowly crawl next to the bathtub and just stare at the ground, letting my bleeding hand fall to the ground beside me. I just sit there, staring at the red stained marble floor, and I remain staring as Donny swings the door opens.

I look up at him and see his eyes have started to tear up as he just stares at me in silence.
Giving him a small smile I barely breath out,
"I'm sorry.. I guess I failed you once again haven't I?" I let out a half hearted chuckle as he quickly rushes over to me and hugs me tightly.
"Donny.. You're going to get your cloths dirty.." My words only made him tighten his grip on me.
"I don't care about that, I don't care about that at all. If anyone is sorry it's me, I've been trying to keep you happy this whole time and I never realized that he might have been there, I'm sorry I wasn't here, I'm sorry I couldn't stop you from doing this.. You don't deserve this.. How could he drive you to do this.. He said he you would fine.. You don't seem fine at all.." He barely whispered out the last part but I heard it clear as day.
"What..? You.. You talked to Him? When did he say that?" I could tell from the way he tensed that he did meant for hose words to come out.

"I.. Nothing Rose, just forget it, I shouldn't have said anything. He slips away from me and leans against the counter opposite from me, and just remains looking at me with sad eyes.
"Don't lie to me Donny! You know something! Why won't you tell me? I deserve to know don't you think?" He sighs and turns away to open the drawers. Probably searching for a mid kit or something..
"Can't we talk about this later? We need to get you cleaned up and bandaged up, I don't want you hand to get infected.." And just like that the conversation was over..

As Donny tended to my self inflected wound I was pondering about the fact that he knew the reason and yet he refused to tell me anything. How can he just know and not tell me? Don't I deserve to know? Is it because it would hurt me more than I knew? Donnys told me so many times to just forget about him, to move on, the fact that I'm still in remembrance hurt a lot more than just pretending I was fine. No matter what, those feelings I've been trying to rid, to bury away in the deepest parts of me, they still exist. But look at us now, we don't even talk, I see him moving on but I just wonder what it'd be like if he just stayed, if he never called it quits, I guess I'll never know..I tried so hard to not slip and fall.. But I did, and I fell so hard and I brought down someone that I never wanted to bring into the world of my pain.

"All done.." I'm brought back to realty with Donnys soft words.
"Now will you explain-" but before i could Finish my sentence Donny is quick to respond.
"No!" I'm taken back by his voice and once he notices he's quick to apologies.
"I'm sorry rose but please no.. I.. It's not that I don't want to tell you but, I can't. I promised. I can't." I feel my skin boil once again, I quickly get up and push past him. "Fine, if you won't tell me, then I'll leave."

"Rosy, please! Don't be like this-" I don't even listen to him as I'm quick to pack my bag and pull it over my shoulder. Walking out of his room and making my way to the front door. As my handle reaches to turn the knob. I hear Donnys soft voice from the staircase.
"Why can't you see how much I care for you.."

I felt my heart ache. I turn to look at him one last time.
"I'm sorry Donny.. But I care for you as well but you don't deserve the pain I bring you while I'm here.. You deserve better, not a broken down girl. Thank you for everything." And with that, I open the door and walk out, I don't know where I'm going, I'm just going to let my feet take me where it'd like.

Never did I imagine my feet would bring me here...