Omelia

"Amy..."

Meredith must not have known the OR mic was on.  Amelia heard everything she said.

"...Avoiding work to watch you." "Shouldn't she be saving someone's life?" "Cristina told me to watch out for you..."

Did Meredith really think she was some sort of love crazy girl? That she would rather watch a partial liver resection than save a brain aneurysm from popping? Didn't Meredith realize that Cristina was gone and not coming back? 

Amelia had bolted out of the gallery before she heard something else to ruin her day.  Turning the corner, she found an empty on call room to collect her thoughts.  She took in sharp breaths and released shaky ones.  Even though she tried to stop it, warm tears slid down her cheeks.  Wiping them away, she sat down a bed and took slow deep breaths.  The tears would not stop as her sadness was replaced with anger.  

How dare Meredith say things like that to her? Sure, Amelia had never been close with her sister in law, but they both lost the one person they loved.  They had to stick together, and that didn't necessarily mean being nice to each other.  They at least had to tolerate each other, for Derek's sake. 

She willed herself to stop crying; to pull herself together.  Derek wouldn't want her to cry over every single fight she had with Meredith.  She had to take her harsh comments with a grain of salt.  

Stepping out of the on call room, she walked down the hall alone.  She checked on a few patients, but spent what was left of the day in solitude.  If she started talking to someone, she would start crying all over again.  Amelia's emotions were all over the place today.  It had been exactly one year since Derek had died, and all she could think about was him.  Twelve months, fifty two weeks, three hundred sixty five days, whatever you called it. One year without the person she loved most was the hardest thing she's ever had to bear.  The only person who shared some of that weight was Meredith, and they weren't exactly getting along at the moment.

Leaving the hospital, she took the scenic drive home.  What was home exactly? It wasn't where her heart was.  She had been living at Derek's house since she arrived in Seattle.  After his death, Meredith took the kids and moved in with Alex.  Since then, Amelia had walked the halls alone.  It was eerie and ghastly quiet at times being up in the hills away from the city, but it also gave her plenty of time to think.  

Meredith had placed the house on the market, so Amelia kept it clean and ready to show at all times; not that she had much stuff to make a mess with anyway. She needed to get her own apartment, but was waiting to ask Owen to move in with her.

Amelia winced at the thought.  She liked Owen.  Really liked him.  Okay, she really really REALLY liked him.  Yet somehow, she could not work up the courage to say those incredibly powerful eight letters.  Amelia was waiting for the right time, but would it ever come? Do you ever wait for the right time to remove a tumor? Or do you do it, when you have the chance.  Because if you wait for the perfect time, that exact right moment, you might miss your chance.  You might wait too long, and the patient will die.  Or you don't wait long enough, and the tumor comes back.  Its a guessing game, and Amelia guessed that love was a lot like that too.  You just have to fire a shot into the dark, and hope you hit your target.

Amelia unlocked the front door.  Stepping into the living room, she walked straight upstairs to the guest room.  She turned off her cell phone because she just wanted a night alone.  She didn't want to be reminded of anything that may even have to deal with her dead brother.  

She made her way to the bathroom and turned the hot water on maximum.  Amelia shed her clothes like a second skin and left them on the floor.  She'd pick them up later.  After all, the last thing she wanted potential home buyers to see were her red lace panties.  

Amelia hopped in the shower, washed and conditioned her hair, scrubbed her body, and even shaved her legs before sitting down in the bottom of the tub letting the scalding water flow over her.  The water mixed with her tears as she began to cry for the second time today.  Derek was really gone, and he wasn't coming back.  Until now, reality had not sunk in.  A part of her had still believed Derek would return.  But Amelia watched his body lowered into the ground.  The ghastly white complexion of his skin signified no blood flow. The facts didn't lie.

Amelia was starting to forget the way his ice blue eyes lit up at the sight of a neuro trauma. The memory was replaced with the image of his closed eyelids, almost translucent as he laid in the casket. 

Amelia was starting to forget the way the vein would pop on the left side of his forehead when he got really pissed off about something.  The memory was replaced with the image of his pasty face, powdered to perfection by the coroner.

Amelia was starting to forget the way his hair fell over his right eye when he didn't use the right gel.  The memory was replaced with the image of the slicked back hair at the funeral used to cover the blunt wound on his hairline. 

Amelia was starting to forget the way he played with his wedding band on his finger when he was nervous about something.  The memory was replaced with the stereotypical way his hands were folded on top of one another during the viewing.

Amelia was starting to forget the way one corner of his mouth pulled into a smile when he started to lose an argument.  The memory was replaced with the purple chalky lips he displayed in the casket.

Amelia was starting to forget the way he said "Amy." And that memory wasn't being replaced, it was just fading away. 

Amy, the name he had called her from the beginning.  She was beginning to forget the way he tilted up the 'y' on the end.  She was forgetting how much she hated that pet name, until now.  She'd give anything to hear him call her "Amy" one last time.

The tears fell faster down Amelia's porcelain cheeks.  She started to taste the salt of them in her mouth as she let out a trail of screams.  No one could hear her, so she cried as hard and loudly as she felt.  She collapsed into herself, taking heaving breaths filled with water, sadness, and longing.

Amy broke.