Love at first sight

Getting turned into a vegetable

This chapter contains:

Jesus

Home Depot

Gerald

Running over pregnant women

Being an onion

Going to heaven

Cutting up someone face with a shard of glass 

Old ladies

so like u started seeing shit, like, you were surrounded by vegetables. And then the sky started turning all bright..and then a tall man in a white appeared right infront of you. He had long hair an a beard, and he had blue eyes.

y/n: ¨who are you??¨

Jesus: ¨im Jesus¨

y/n: ¨whats that¨

Jesus: ¨Im the son of god.¨

y/n: ¨ok why r u talking to me then¨

Jesus: ¨youre in heaven, and youre now an onion¨

y/n: ¨is that why theres vegetables everywhere?¨

Jesus: ¨dont worry about the vegetables, im here to tell you something.¨
y/n: ¨what is it??¨
Jesus: ¨Im here to tell you about Gerald.¨

y/n: ¨...¨

Jesus: ¨Gerald is going to apologize to you for slapping you tomorrow. But he doesnt actually mean it. Right now Gerald is on a date with someone. Im not telling you who hes on a date with, thats for you to find out. But theyre getting along well and he is forgetting about you Y/n, you will go back to ur normal body soon. And once u do, dont tell anyone, especially Gerald, that this happened.¨

y/n: ¨okay!! Where is Gerald and his date right now??¨

Jesus: ¨They are having a date at some dumbass restaurant¨

y/n: ¨whats the name of the restaurant?¨

Jesus: ¨A place called Home Depot? Idk if thats a restaurant, its sounds like a furniture store, but I think its a restaurant because why would he take someone on a date to a furniture store??¨

y/n: ¨I think that place is a furniture store, what isle are they in?¨
Jesus: ¨Theyre in the isle with the lights and stuff¨

y/n: ¨Okay thanks Jesus¨

Jesus: ¨ur welcome!!¨

U find urself laying on the kitchen floor and youre finally back in your normal body!! Knowing that Gerald is currently on a date in the lights isle in Home Depot. You decide that you want to bring Bertha and find out who Gerald is on a date with, and why theyre having a date in Home Depot. You go to Berthas room and find him punching a hairbrush.

y/n: ¨bertha I need to tell u something¨

Bertha: ¨what¨

y/n: ¨Geralds on a date with a girl..IN HOME DEPOT¨

Bertha: ¨RIGHT AFTER HE SLAPPED YOU ?¨

y/n: ¨ YES AND I WANT TO FIND HIM.¨

Bertha: ¨What r you gonna do after you find him?¨

y/n: ¨beat the shit out of him with a light at Home Depot and cut up his face with glass¨

Bertha: ¨Can I help I got nothing better to do because I couldnt fall asleep after u woke me up at 3 am¨

y/n: ¨ok lets go¨

You and Bertha drive to Home Depot after running over 2 people (a pregnant woman), Bertha parks the car and u both run to the lights isle to find gerald and the girl he is on a date with. Once you and Bertha get there, you see Gerald getting head from the old lady who sold Bertha herbs in the mcdonalds bathroom.

Gerald: ¨omg yassss¨

Old lady who sold Bertha special herbs: ¨gulp gulp gulp¨
y/n: ¨GERALD¨

You yelled so loud that the manger heard.

Manager: ¨WTF IS GOING ON HERE¨

Bertha: ¨This guy is getting his dick sucked by the old lady who sold he herbs!!¨

Manager: Herabs?¨

Bertha: ¨Salvia¨

Manager: Oh she sold me some too¨

Bertha: ¨so what r u gonna do about this??¨
Manager: ¨Uhm is he circumcised?¨

Y/n: ¨see for yourself¨
The manager took a quick glance at Geralds deformed fetus of a dick and threw up.

Manager: ¨EW IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO SUCK A DICK LIKE THAT¨
She runs away while crying. Gerald and the old lady just stand there shocked and confused with what just happened.

Gerald: ¨I CAN EXPLAIN¨

Before he gets to explain, you grab the biggest light bulb u see and literally just bash that shit on Geralds head, the glass gets suck into his skull and he starts crying while blood just squirts out from the upper left corner of his skull. You take another light bulb and just smash it on his face, turning gerald into something unrecognizable and vile. Gerald was bleeding on the cold home depot floor while some country song plays, and hes barely moving. Like hes not dead but he probably will be in a few hours. You took down at the shards of glass beneath you and take the biggest one, you grab Gerald by the neck with ur left hand and with your right you press the glass against his face, push down, and drag the shard of glass across his cheek. You keep doing that until his whole face is red and covered in deep scars without feeling even a little bit of guilt. Anyways, Bertha just killed the old lady and knocked her teeth out with a hammer while the bitch cried, and to make her shut up, Bertha took her teeth and shoved them down her throat. Causing the old lady to choke and die, after that Bertha took all her herbs! But u werent satisfied yet, u felt jealous that Gerald could just go and see other women and forget about you so easily. So because you dont want Gerald to look at other women or men, you get Bertha to forcefully open his eyes, and cut both of them with ur fingernail. Not with glass because he would probably be dead, and u just wanted him to be blind and never look at men or women again! Once Gerald looked fucked up and disgusting and his date dead because she choked on her own teeth, you and Bertha wash ur hands and decide to finally go to sleep!! It was 5:50 am and u guys have been awake since like 3!! You and bertha get the best sleep ever knowing that u guys have a fuck ton of salvia, and Gerald wont ever look at a man or woman again.