Drunk love, a sequel - Johnnyboy

Chapter 8

Is it all my fault?

-

I was staring at the TV in the Curtis household, yawning every now and then. Ponyboy was in the bathroom doing god knows what. Everyone else was gone.

I have felt completely empty since Ponyboy last spoke to me. Does he not love me anymore? I about decided that we should have that kind of conversation. The bathroom door creaked open, and I heard a little groan. I stood up and walked over to Pony. "Hey. Can I tell you something?"

He only nodded, sighing. "I think I want to break up."

He stood there, silently, with wide eyes.
"Why?" He encouraged me to list the things I have been thinking about. "I mean, I don't think you love me anymore."

He didn't say anything. He only stood there. I was getting nervous; I've never seen him in such a state. "Did I do something wrong?" He mumbled. I shook my head. "No, of course not. I'm still in love with you, but I think it'd be best for you to focus on yourself." He had tears forming in his eyes. Man, did I want to punch myself. "But," He started, looking at me with such a sad face that anyone could have bawled. "I want to stay with you. I just. . ." He trailed off, looking for excuses.

"Ponyboy, if you really loved me. . ." I stopped myself from talking. I knew what I was going to say next would ruin our lives. I didn't want to sound manipulative. "Well?"

I felt my stomach churn at the thought of losing Ponyboy. "I'm sorry. I should have never said anything in the first place." He shook his head. "No, go on. If I really loved you. .?" I licked my lips.

"I don't know." He had a look of anger in his eyes. I got scared. The only anger I've seen around is Dally's or my parents. I could've sworn I saw my father's look in his eyes.

He took a step closer and looked at me, dead in the eyes. "You don't know? So, then why'd you start talking? Are you stupid?" I couldn't speak, nor breathe.

I was so scared. I felt like i was nearing the end of a cliff. Maybe I was. Maybe I would have fallen if he had gotten any closer. In fact, he did. He took a small step. "Answer me." I felt a pounding in every part of my body. I was nearly sobbing. Before I could speak, I felt a sharp, tough hand come across my face.

I stumbled back and fell on the ground, caressing my cheek where Ponyboy had slapped me.

How could he do this?

"We're done." I choked out, standing up and running out of the house. I ran to the lot and nearly passed out on the ground. I fell down onto my knees and started sobbing.

It's not that it hurt - it's that I trusted Ponyboy with everything. I stopped thinking for a second.

Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I was just pissing him off and I pushed him to his limit. He's just on edge because of Sodapop's death. I shouldn't have spoken to him in such a way. I had absolutely no reason to, anyway. He's going through a hard time, he shouldn't have to deal with me stuttering and making him upset.

-

For the rest of the day, I stayed at the lot. I didn't want to go to my house and get hit, again. I felt so numb that day. It felt like everything was a fever dream. Listen, I'm still in love with Ponyboy, but I'm sure as hell that he'd want to break up as well after what I did to him.

Then it hit me.

What If I hit him in that situation?

You know what they say: The abused becomes the abuser.

That always made me feel odd thinking about that. How children reflect like the sun on water, during a summer day. Basically, how children act the way the same their parents do. I'm scared, I thought. I don't want to become like my father, or mother, even. I'm scared of turning into someone I don't want to be.

I was taken away from my own world as little drops of water slammed softly onto my tanned skin and greasy hair. I sighed and looked around. Thankfully, I saw Dally. I ran over to him and he greeted me.

"Hey, man, What's goin' on? Why aren't you with Ponyboy?" I bit my lip, and I could've sworn I felt my heart stop. "He's just-  He's in a mood, right now. I don't want to bother him." He nodded and handed me his jacket. "I'm heading inside. See you later, Johnny."

I nodded as he walked away. As for me,I started walking god know where. I wasn't paying attention. I was stuck in my thoughts, like always. I was shivering, even if I wasn't cold.

My veins felt cold, though. But, why? I felt completely fine, I think. I was okay. I looked around and saw birds chirping and flying around. Maybe they were looking for their babies. I wish I was a bird.

I could just fly away everytime I was upset. Maybe I would have been flying forever, who knows.

But, what I do know, is that Ponyboy hates me. If he didn't, he wouldn't have hit me. But, it's okay. He's still young - no, we're still young. We'll grow apart and find someone new, I hope.

I hate him.

I hate how much I love him. I hate how his eyes and hair glow in the sunlight. I hate how happy he used to get when he saw me or Sodapop. I hate that I fell in love. I hate how he's always smiling and giggling at stupid things people do. I hate how he makes me feel like the only boy in the world. I hate and love him at the same time. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I hope all the things that he wants eventually finds him and I wouldn't have to hear a thing about it.

Maybe that's the way it should have been - break up and leave each other alone.