How to Stay Out of Prison: A Modern-Day Woman's Guide

Chapter 23

Lyrical~

There was music, laughter, and conversation all around me, but I wasn't absorbing any of it. The only thing that I was absorbing was the alcohol from the beers and tequila shots.

"Look, Lyric," Rena said right after our third shot. "I get that what he did was super dickish, but you gotta take some responsibility for this crap, too."

I twisted in my barstool to gape at her. "What? You're supposed to be on my side, goddamn it."

She rolled her eyes. "I am on your side, Lyric. I'm always on your side," she assured me. "The thing is, had you given Nixon a chance to explain, it wouldn't have gotten that far."

"And you think he deserved for me to hear him out?" I scoffed. "He had a half-naked bimbo in his apartment, Rena."

Rena cocked her head at me. "Let me ask you this. Do you believe him or not about what that woman was doing there?"

Ugh.

That was the worst part of all this bullshit; I did believe him. I believed him, but I didn't want to. Still, I wasn't going to lie to Rena. "I do," I admitted. "I do, but I don't want to."

Rena's face was full of confused surprise when she asked, "Why the hell not?"

I downed my beer, then signaled the bartender for another round. I looked back at my best friend, then told her the absolute insecure truth of the matter. "Because I don't want to be that female, Rena."

"What fucking female?" She shook her head, then yelled at the bartender, "And another round of shots, too, please." She looked back at me, then repeated, "What fucking female?"

"The one that's so in love that she ignores the signs, Rena. That female," I groaned. "The female who...who sits at home, like an ignorant fool, while the man she thinks loves her is fucking around with other women behind her back. That goddamn female, Rena. That one."

"Jesus Christ, Lyr, what has Nixon done to ever give you the impression that he would turn you into that kind of woman? You've only known the man...what? Three weeks?"

The bartender placed our beers and shots in front of us, and like the fine-tuned engine that our friendship was, we halted the conversation to throw back our shots before resuming making our points. After all, we were experts at drinking while solving the world's problems.

"God, Rena," I choked out pathetically. "You should have seen her. She was too perfect-looking to be real."

Rena's face softened as soon as she realized what the real issue at hand was. "Lyrical..."

"I got scared, Rena," I finally admitted out loud. "I...I think I was really falling for Nixon, and when I compared myself to...to what he's used to dating, well, how the hell am I supposed to keep his interest in the long run?"

"Oh, sweetie," she said sadly. "Then tell him that. You've always spoken your mind about anything and everything, so don't start hiding now, Lyric. Tell him the truth. Be honest, then let him decide if he wants to commit to having to reassure you forever or if he'd rather just walk away."

I took a drink of my new beer before asking, "Just like that, huh? It's just that simple?"

Rena scoffed. "Hell to the fucking no. There's nothing simple about laying yourself bare to another person, especially one who already intimidates you. I imagine it's going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done."

"Thanks," I deadpanned. "Thanks for that. So, you're saying I'm the one who needs to apologize?"

"Fuck no," she scoffed again. "He needs to apologize. He needs to apologize for the ex and for being a first-class dick. What you need to do is let him, because you haven't been being fair to the man. From the beginning, you've been using your insecurities as a shield against whatever he's been trying to build with you."