Crazy me

Imagination

I regreted saying yes. Saying sure. I liked Kieran sure but.... I felt I was cheating him. I still liked JC even though JC and Kieran and Oliver told me to get over him. They made it sound so easy. Like I could just turn off a switch. IT ISN'T EASY! I just wanted to scream. I wanted to crawl up in a ball and die. I swear no one would miss me. No one would care. I just wanted to go. Dying would be so much easier than living. You could just go. I was done. Done done done done done.
I had cried so much. I never cry but now I can't say that because I've cried so much in the past few days. But nothing has hurt this bad before. NOTHING.
It's not easy. It's the hardest thing ever. Especially when nothing makes you happier then him. Seeing him smile. Seeing him laugh. Listening to him talk. She says she had never felt this way for a guy before. And I should care, because she doesn't usually like guys. But I have never felt this way for a guy before. NEVER! And even though I've had two boyfriends. And liked many. I have never felt this way before.
No well I don't want to go out with him
I just want him to like me. And have one of weird cool relationships with them both liking each other and they start going out with a kiss and they have a beautiful long relationship and end up breaking up and both wanting to die and they live without each other for awhile but it just doesn't feel like there living so they get back together and they just feel so right with eachother and then one cheats and one trys to die and then one saves them and they just can't live without eachother and they are star cross lovers. And eventually get married and have kids and live happily ever after. But I know that will never happen. My imagination was just too big. To good to be true.