Crazy me

Breaking

I sat in my wardrobe. For the millionth time that day I had forgot I had a boyfriend. I was only thinking about JC. I was sitting in my small wardrobe wanting to die. It hurts like nothing before. And I've cried so much, which I never do
And I just don't see light in the day anymore. I only get up to go to sleep
But I don't get to sleep because, I don't want to dream of him. And when I wake up from those dreams I'll just be sadder because I don't have him. So I stay up till 11:11 to wish every night and I'm trying to peice it back together but it's not working
And Maddy told me to go out with Kieran coz it might make me feel better but it doesn't
And no body understands! They think getting over JC will fix it all but the problem is I can't get over JC. I just don't want to move.
I heard mum calling my name. She opened my door. I stopped moving.
"Are you in here?" She asked.
I didn't reply.
"Hello? "
"Yeah." I croaked out.
"Come down to dinner." She stated.
"No I'm not going to" I huffed.
"Fine then!" And she left angrily.
I just sat there I didn't care. I was texting people but not really aware of what I was saying. I placed my hands down on the ground and found a belt. I took it as a sign. Not a sign to wear a belt but a sign to die.
I put the belt around my neck like a scarf. I measured the height and figured if I sat down it would kill me, it would strangle me.
I tighten the belt around my neck. I didn't have the sickly sensation of when I was cutting. It was more of a relived feeling. A feeling like what I was doing wasn't wrong.
I sent out a text to Loulou aka EGG aka lindsay saying:

I have a belt around my neck

That was it. I threaded it through the beam and figured out I measured wrong. Of course I did. I do everything wrong.
My phone lite up. Loulou had replied:

TAKE IT OFF!!!!

NOW!!!!!

And I cried. Tears rolled down my face. I released the belt from my hands. And it fell hitting the ground but still attacked to my neck. I undid it. I don't know why. I would have rather gone. Have died but Loulou always made me cave. Some how. Always. She always broke me. Forever breaking....