𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 • hyunlix

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟏

trigger warning; closed spaces, mentions of childhood neglection, claustrophobic attack

seventy-three drops of water down a broken wooden floor—Felix counted the exact number, kept it repeating in his mind so he wouldn't be able to focus on the darkness that surrounded him or the damp smell of the basement. There's a puddle before his eyes, the abandoned water from above that slips down in front of him has created a home for itself in this lonely place, and Felix envies it. Small specks of silver lightening shine through the hole that is right next to the dripping water, landing on the puddle and making it appear like a muddy mess although it's just collected clearness on a hazel facade

his eyes are much like the dripping floorboards above him, consistently letting out drops of azure that no one but him are aware of. He had been counting way before the water drops turned the age he was; Seven. The light is dim, it doesn't brighten up much around him but he is still grateful for it, at least now he can breathe—or try to. The air in his lungs is a weaved thread of a neverending and never-starting patchwork piece, it keeps turning and twisting around the exterior of his lungs but no outcome comes from its efforts 

He tries to breathe, tries to focus on the fact that he's not caged, but he is and it doesn't get better. He has been here since last night, and he fails to understand how big of a mistake can it be to throw a tantrum. Sure, he wasn't the politest of kids, sure, he wasn't the most mannerful either or the most intelligent, but he was still a kid. A kid who needed just as much protection as any other, who wanted just as much love as any other, but in return for his bratty and disrespectful pleas of attention, he received confinement in the face of being taught a 'lesson'

he had begun shaking long ago, the desperate attempts of his mind to calm him down were futile and now he was spiraling into vivid nightmares, unable to pull himself back from the hell he was living through. The hands that he kept tightly wrapped around his body have begun to feel too tight, so he unwraps them and tries to thrash around but the place is too cramped, the second he shifts he bumps into the wall next to him and it's all dawning on him just how helplessly buried he is 

tears that were small now stream down his face like rainfall and for the first time this evening he croaks out a loud sob. In the mind of a seven-year-old, basements and attics have basically the same vision, and he fails to recognize that the slopped corner he is sitting in in fear of the dark is not going to benefit him anymore. He is in fact trapped in his own mind, trapped in the tight place that is robbing him of his breath and leaving him sobbing loudly, yelling out to the two people he thought would protect him no matter what storm takes on the world 

"Daddy! please- I'm sorry" 

It shouldn't have come out as rocky as it did, as scratchy as he sounded but his chest is giving out and he can no longer call out to his mother with the way his head is heavy as a mountain and the way his throat is tightening in on nothing. He wants to close his eyes and cry his fear away but he's afraid if he does so, the light will disappear and eternal darkness will swallow him. His naive heart prays for the warm arms of his mother, even if he feels caged enough

his lack of breath and perception of caving walls doesn't change the fact that he prays there would have been someone present with him, someone to make this darkness a little less terrible, someone he trusted because It's not the loneliness in these shadows that is fearing him but the fact that he might not be lonely at all, that the hands that belonged to another universe would crawl up to him and drag him off to some place he'd be locked forever 

forever 

forever 

A loud gasp rips past Felix's throat, his vision is blurry but he can feel a swift gush of wind on the side of his face, abruptly reminding him that he is no longer trapped as he thrashes in his seat, the panic that resided in him simmering high above his head before it clashes down like a tsunami. Eyes wide and rounded, tears staining his face and neck flushed while sweat covered the skin of it, he looked like dread in human form and the sight made Hyunjin feel out of breath