- Vagabond - Male Reader x Pokémon

Chapter 17: Send In the Clowns

[Y/N] started walking, and he didn't stop walking, head down staring at the streets below his feet. He didn't know where he was going, but allowed his feet to take him in whatever direction they wanted. His hands were slumped deep into the coat that hung from his shoulders, the brim of his hat concealing his expression. Crowds of people walked past, enjoying the Jubilife nightlife, shouting and laughing, red in the face. Friends. Cars raced past, the sudden gust of wind crashing against him every few moments, but it didn't bother him none. The lurid lights of traffic stops, neon signs, large advertisements hung from buildings, made it feel like he was venturing into some alien world once more. It was bright, but artificial, a fake light all around him. It embodied Jubilife pretty well. An artificial place.

Like that lying Pokétch Company President. Or that pair of trainers, Flint and Lucian. And, once more his mind drifted back to that. He tried his hardest to push it away, and yet it always came back to him. His Pokémon sat in their capsules for once. He didn't want them out right now, just wanting to be alone for a while. Or, more likely, he didn't want them to see him in such a depressing state. Regardless, the silence helped him to think. And, think about a great many things. However, the main problem was clear, and it was called Cynthia...

The difference in ability between the two of them was immense, and for all his talk, and all his bravado, as he was right now there wasn't any way that he could keep up with her without putting his all into training. And yet, it didn't make much sense for them to travel. He was simply holding her back, that was obvious, and while she was too kind to say it herself, he wondered if she too understood that. He was still trying to understand the basics, while Cynthia had been learning her craft for years and years. It wasn't just unfair for her, but it did no good for his own self-image, constantly comparing himself to his much more competent rival.

Rival. It was a funny word, one you would usually use for someone just about on par with one's own skill level. Perhaps it was a little premature to consider themselves rivals when they did. Rivals wasn't the accurate word at all....

Despite all that, despite knowing it would be better to part ways, [Y/N] still didn't feel good about it. Part of the reason he even thought about setting out in the first place was the fact that they would be travelling together. He enjoyed her company, that much was clear, but was there something more than that? It wasn't a subject he was well versed in, his emotions muddled.

However, his jealousy burned bright, and it was a hateful feeling. He hated Lucian, and he didn't find Flint all that much better, despite only having spoken once or twice. Yet, it was Cynthia who made him feel the worst. It felt like a betrayal almost, that she was leaving him behind, like some used discarded plaything, no longer interested in his unique condition.

A part of himself wanted to hate her for it, but it was impossible, he simply couldn't hate Cynthia. And each time that smile would flash through his head and he'd feel at ease once more. It was like his own weakness, he had to admit...

He had been selfish, and ignored her own feelings. Leaving in such a sudden way, acting in such a strange manner. Had he spent any time thinking about how she must've felt? No. It had simply been about his own troubles and struggles. He wasn't so charitable like she was, he didn't have her infectious positivity. Her naivety that would swallow her alive, as Looker told him. The detective framed it in a dangerous light, but he wasn't sure where he'd be right now without it.

Cynthia had been the first person who he had come across in this weird place, and her calming presence made it much more bearable. Without her as his crutch, it wouldn't be the same, but was that for the better? They both had separate journeys to experience. It wasn't foolish to rely on others, but only up to an extent. There were certain things that you could only truly grasp through self-understanding. Perhaps then, if they really wanted to become the greatest, this was necessary.