Daddies (bxbxb)

Chapter 1: i deserve it....right?

Todays the first day of my punishment, which was to be left behind in New York while my dom Sam and my boyfriends jessi and Cory his subs, go on a trip to France for three weeks, I guess I deserve it, I deserve to be left behind, the thoughts slowly start to cause my hands to shake as I walk out of the bathroom after cutting a few lines down my arms and wrapping them, I get in bed and curl up letting the tears slide down my face and on to the pillow  "I deserve it" I whisper to myself.

I've been acting out a lot throwing tantrum refusing to listen, ignoring his orders not giving jessi and Cory affection like I used to, our dynamic was Sam being the dom to all of us then i top jessi and Cory when they want or need it, but for the past month I really haven't wanted to top them or be dominant towards them, I wanted them to be nicer to me softer, Sam wasn't being soft like I wanted him to he treats me like a slave, which I was up until a month ago but lately I no longer wanted to be a slave I tried speaking about it but it got shut down before I could get my thoughts into words and out more times than I can count so I just gave up trying to speak about it and instead started acting out, the more I acted out the more he punished me severely which caused me to act out more.

so this morning they left me behind with Sam's words that caused sharp pain in my chest "you're not coming with we want to enjoy this vacation without you acting out and ruining it for all of us" he had said , but I guess I can't blame him, he was right, I was a terrible sub I deserve to be left all alone, I should probably kill myself so that I don't burden them anymore, I grab my phone and set some loud music to drown out my thoughts as I press down on the cuts to inflict more pain, forcing myself back into sleep to get away from the thoughts.

Time was passing so quickly due to me sleeping all day every day, I ate an apple every two or three days or atleast a couple of bites each time when my stomach starts to hurt and try to swallow itself out of hunger, it's been two weeks by now, my arms and thighs were full of cuts, and I had shed weight like crazy I lost about 14 kg even though I was already slightly underweight my under eyes were dark and sunken my cheekbones were more prominent and my lips were chapped and dry due to malnourishment.

I play with the edge of the pillow I'm laying my head on I had slept 18 hours today so I couldn't fall back asleep, so I opted for staring at the wall while loud music played in the background, I was practically a zombie doing bare minimum to survive, I just couldn't take care of my self I didn't have the motivation or the will to live , my thoughts were getting loud again so I pulled myself off the bed and into the shower, one thing I could not handle was being dirty.

I couldn't care less if the whole house was upside down as long as I was clean it was okay, when I came out of the shower I rebandaged the cuts the best I could while sobbing and walked over to the bed once again " red....red.......red, please .....red master" I whispered hoping that my safe word would somehow end this and I fell asleep muttering red to myself with tears pouring out of my eyes.

More days passed I stopped eating completely and opted for drinking juice as it would keep me alive due to sugar and I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of chewing and swallowing over and over again, today was the day they're meant to return but for some reason I couldn't get myself to feel happy or exhausted, hell I wasn't even relieved, I felt burdened I didn't want to face them, I didn't want to see them, I want to leave here, I want to die, but hey I deserve it, that way I wouldn't ruin it for them I chuckled dryly to myself dragging my self out of bed setting the half drank cup of juice on the side table and taking yet another shower after cutting some more, I was running out of real estate due to how many cuts my body now carried, buts it's all good I deserve it right?

I get out and get dressed in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants covering my whole body, that's better I don't look as ugly now, I get back into bed turning
my music back on, a few moments later of staring blankly at the wall I hear the front door open and giggles and chuckles fill the house, smiling sourly to myself I stay in my position staring at the wall "Leo baby where are you??" I hear Sam call out a smile in his voice and there he is entering the bedroom with jessi and Cory right behind, I turn to look at them blankly and I couldn't bring my self to smile or speak all I did was stare blankly.

Hope you enjoyed.... Let me know what you think...