Relations on Canvas

Chapter Fourteen.

Day 3.

Monet... No one had ever called me that but him... It belonged to Elia more than even I. And as I heard him speak it from the doorway, I wished it hadn't been in such circumstances.

    "I'm sorry..." Was the only response I could manage as my mouth filled with the taste of iron, and my stomach churned and tightened from each violent cough that stressed my throat. I felt like I was dying... Though... Even if he had turned into a horrific person... Elia didn't deserve to see me again after all those years, right back in the same place...

    With a trembling hand, Elia extended a bag full of my prescriptions, but even after I took it, I couldn't help but feel horrible as he leaned on the wall opposite to me, sinking to the floor. 

Was this really what was to come of us..? It felt pathetic... staring at the boy I always knew as kind, now only seeing a violent man... while he stared at me, as if I was exactly the same.

    But as I felt the heat build up in my head till I could no longer keep it up, I took hold of the sink with one hand to stand, struggling to pour the tablets out, and cringing when some fell down the drain. Elia's eyes stayed on me... And all I could think was how I should've told him sooner... I should've been the one to tell him. And if he was mad... I couldn't stay just so close...

    Swallowing a handful of pills, I stumbled past him, a part of me, not only scared but avoidant of what was to come... But right before I could reach the bed, my legs gave out and I clung to the post to keep from falling against my arm. I didn't want him to be mad...

    I tensed as I felt his hands move carefully around me, helping me onto the bed before he sat on the floor underneath me. "Why... didn't you tell me?"

    I wasn't well enough for this... "Because... Elia... You didn't remember me." I took a deep breath, looking down at him. "And when... when you talked about me with so much sadness... I figured it would- it- it would be better to just be new people... It's no excuse... I know that, but that's all it is..." I panted through each sentence, trying to ignore the pain in my body.

    "I thought you died." What. I lost all the air in my lungs as he spoke. "I thought you died..." The time he repeated it, only came out in a choke, and I looked down to see him better, "the hospital told me you passed... I- I never forgot you. Ever."

    He's killed people, he's hurt people... He- "Please... Come here..." It hurt to speak. Not only, to look at him and not know why he had turned into what he had- was a nearly greater pain... It felt like my body was shutting down all around me...

He lifted his head before moving to sit next to me, "... I'm sorry... Monet... I really am." When his hand took mine, I couldn't hate him, "for everything... giving up so easily back then... not remembering you... hurting you... becoming this... monster... I'm sorry..." Everything was true... and it made it hurt so much more.

It all hurt so much...

    Pulling him into an embrace, I let my tears dampen his shirt. "What... What hospital told you such a thing..? Didn't you get my letter?" I felt my chest constricting with each breath, and I could barely keep my arm around him.

    "The town hospital... what letter...?" His grip tightened, and I grew nervous in his arms. "I asked for you... and they told me you passed an hour before..." He took a deep breath, and my head rose against him, but all I could think about was how he never knew.

    "Elia... I-I was never- at that hospital..? You never came...So I wrote you a letter saying I would come back... But I couldn't...I-," Breaking off into a painful series of chokes had me resenting the lateness in which we had this conversation. And as the taste of iron came once again on my tongue, I tried to be as vague as I could with the panic I felt. "...I thought you knew..."

    "No... I panicked... and when I reached out to your parents... they didn't answer. I'm sorry..." The sound of his voice cracking had me crying even further,  "I didn't think... the hospital would lie..."

    "...Stop apologizing... I should have just told you... But I didn't want to get sick again...Once you finally had me..." It was inevitable... I couldn't prevent it then nor now. And Elia, knowing who I was, wasn't going to fix that.

    "Your selflessness is still as predominant as ever..." He whispered and I clung onto his shirt as tightly as I could, "you... are the same..."

    "And...you aren't..." It hurt to say.

    "... I know..." He fell silent. "I wish I was..."

I wanted more time with him...

    "Elia... Can you at least do a favor for me..? That's all I'll ask... I promise..." I needed more time. I could feel when I failed to even hold onto his shirt anymore.

    "Of course... Of course,  Monet." I couldn't believe I was hearing that name again...

    "...Could you... could you call the doctor..?" His arms were the only thing keeping me up, and I could no longer even focus on the pain coming from my arm.

    "Yes- I'll be right back, ok? I'll be right back." His gentle kiss against my head had me feeling even worse, and I watched as he stood, "I love you, Monet... just- wait a little." I'm sorry.

I watched him leave. Unable to say it back...

I wish I did.