We'll Be A Fine Line (ZARRY)

3

I woke up with a new feel today. Everything seems different. There's this unknown feeling like that of a burden being off my chest. I don't understand what and why is this happening.

Maybe it has something to with my newly made realization about my sexuality. Yes, after spending all night debating with myself, going through the flashbacks of my life, I came to a conclusion that I, Zayn Malik am indeed Gay.

I looked at myself in the mirror with a small sigh. I don't know when and how to tell my parents . I don't even know if I should ever tell them, if I am being honest. I mean. I don't know about mom, but baba will absolutely go crazy if he learned about my sexuality. Thinking about this made that burden and guilty feeling rise back . I sighed trying to brush all those negative thoughts away along with my hair.

I got a new art commission work, so I decided to stay home today and start working on the painting. So I decided to keep my hair and clothing simple, just like every other day.

I got ready and got out of my room to the living room , where my father is grumpily commenting about some news on the newspaper. I sat down next to Doni, who as always is on her phone doing god knows what.

''Hey D!'' I smiled at her but she ignored me with an eye roll , I shrugged .

''I can't believe you are spoiling your mood just because of some news in the paper dear' 'my mom softly said to my dad.

''what's wrong maa?'' I asked my mom.

'' What's wrong is this whole generation is absolute dumb and mad. '' my dad spat furiously. I raised my eyes to look at my mom, who just shrugged.

I decided to look into the paper to see what he is talking about.

''Yeah, look at it, look how shamelessly these young people are conducting a rally supporting the fags.'' I instantly froze .

The news he is talking about is the article about pride day , people often do these programmes about equality for LGBTQ communities.

''Those sinners are already spoiled and now they are spoiling others and dragging them to hell with them. Disgusting.'' I can feel my blood running to my face. I fell like I am going to throw up or faint right here.

'' You okay Zayn?'' my sister whispered next to me. I look at her and nod my head vigorously. ''UM. Y-YEAH '' I reply not so slowly , making everyone look at me.

Shit , I mentally curse myself before continuing. '' I am sorry ,I was just thinking about the article dad showed.'' I said shakily.

''There's nothing to think about , I am warning you both ,Stay away from faggots. Am I clear.'' my father said in a harsh way sending shivers down my spine. We both nod our heads .

''Zayn, I am leaving to work. Are you coming along.?'' my father asked while wearing his shoes.

''No baba , I have an artwork to finish, I already informed the library owner. So no I am staying home today.'' I replied.

To be honest, I don't think I can stay near my father without fear, not when I am guilty as hell. He will clearly read me like a book.

   -----

I spent most of the last week trying so hard to keep my mouth shut and not accidentally revealing my sexuality to my orthodox family or should I specifically say 'homophobic' dad.

I am still working on my painting work and was still on leave, but I wanted to take a little break so I decided to go visit the library. I must admit I missed the cool old-age owner , I might be having a another brown eyed person as a reason , but no one has to know that.