Life Lines

1

People's lives are like lines. Some people, no matter how alike or meant for each other, never meet. Just like parallel lines. Some people gradually find their counterparts and join themselves for life. Just like two lines that join paths and form the letter 'Y'. And, some people, who are meant to be, meet once and then drift apart forever. Just like intersecting lines.

People whose lives are like these intersecting lines are what make me the saddest. They feel each other's love for the other, they get a taste of the happiness they could have together. If only they lasted forever. But they never do. They cross paths once and go on their own paths again. What happens on that intersection is what turns their story into a tragedy. The happier their time together, the sadder their separation.

I know what that feels like. For I too have crossed paths with the one I would like to spend the rest of my life with. Only to be separated. Because we were just a pair of lines meant to intersect once and never again. We could have just never met, but we did. We could have avoided falling in love, but we did. And perhaps maybe, with the slightest of fate in our favour, we could have tried not to separate our paths, but we did. In the end, fate did not want our lives to be the lucky lines that could merge with each other. And like the fools we were, we left it at that.

If I was wiser, would I have tried to meet him again? Would I have tried to test my luck? See if we could trick our fates and change our life lines. Maybe I would have. Maybe.

I think I am wiser now. But, I won't try to change my fate. Because if I do, I'd be interrupting the joining of two lives that are more suited to be together than mine was with his.

There are times when I regret making that decision for myself. Why not chase your love? Why give up when you know you have a chance? Why not give in to passion? And then, there are times when I finally understand the why's and why not's. It isn't so simple, you see. Love is beautifully, tragically, surprisingly epiphanic.

I wish I had all the knowledge I have now when I saw him for the first time. Or the day I considered loving him. Or the day I decided to tell him that I did. I would have dodged the bullet people call the love of one's life. How could I think I knew everything at thirteen when I still know nothing at nineteen?

He wasn't so special when I first met him. He was just another new student. One who looked slightly better than the other boys. It even took me a while to catch his name. I would see him every day – of course I did, we were classmates – but we never spoke. There is probably only one way I can explain what we were then. Classmates who did not talk to each other.

Oh, how I wish everything stopped there. I wish that was all we could ever be. I wish we never went any further. Maybe then I wouldn't experience losing the love of my life.

It is tiring to look back at all the opportunities I got to save myself from this heartbreak. Indeed, love makes people foolish. Foolish enough to not realise when they start falling for someone. Into a kind of love that only destroys.

I did not fall for Aiden in a day or two. Or even a year. I didn't realise I loved him until the day he told me that he loved me too.

Our story is quite simple though. It isn't the kind I can stay up all night and tell my kids when they ask about my first love. Neither is it the kind that can spark inspiration in the hearts of whom I tell this story. It is just another story of two people who crossed paths once in their lives. One of whom moved on – not once but twice – while the other couldn't forget what they had for what seemed like the rest of eternity.

Just like that, I handed over the life I could have to my fate that was sealed before I was even born. That's how it is. Fate only decides the end of a story. It is the characters who get to choose whether the story is going to be a comedy or a tragedy. And what if they decide not to choose anything? What if they let go and fate has to step in? Their story ends. Because without choices, there is no story to be told.

In the end of our story, we both found the loves of our lives. He was mine, but I wasn't his. Maybe I was never the girl he truly loved. Although I would like to believe otherwise, I knew I wasn't.

I wrote letters that I never posted. I dreamt dreams that I never chased. And I loved a boy I could never have.

I knew I was wrong to covet what wasn't mine. And I was wrong to think that I was forgiven when he showed me a glimpse of our future together. Of what could be. If he actually was mine for once.

Now, another winter knocks to be let in, but I still reminisce the spring month we met in.

⁕⁕⁕

Dear Aiden,

I hope this never finds you. Do you remember the day we met? I know I do. 8th April 2018. You were the new student almost all the girls were fawning over, and I was the girl who was judging you silently from across the room. Because you were such a nerd and I couldn't understand just what they saw in you.

You had to introduce yourself in every class and yet I couldn't remember your name for so long. Now that I look back at it, I think it was a sign from the universe. A sign that I should not get involved with you. That you were better forgotten from the depths of my mind. Even better, my heart.

But you know what a fool I am. Doing everything I know I should dare not to. Because who's going to stop me?

I wish someone did.

Look where this has brought me now. I'm writing letters to a boy I will never speak to again instead of living my life. Making friends. Getting epic loves. I'd rather not.

I had you. You were my epic love. And one's enough for me. I can't take another heartbreak like the one you left me with.

Trust me, it isn't this bad all the time. I do forget you sometimes. But that's sometimes only. Because when the fog of eventfulness clears in my life, the clear skies of memories with you surface again. And the scorching sunlight of the pain I was left with burns holes into my skin.

No matter how much I try, I can't seem to brush you off my mind. You could say this is my last attempt. These letters I'm writing you, aren't meant to be posted. You're not supposed to find these, ever. I'll make sure you never do.

Once I seal away all my memories of you in more of such letters, I'll shove them into a bottle and throw it into the ocean. I can't burn them because that would mean you're dead to me. I can't do that. So I'll deliberately lose all that I remember you by.

If anyone finds these ever, I hope they seal that bottle shut again and send it back to where they got it from. My love for you can't ever die, even if I die. But there needs to be proof. And this is just that. All of this is my proof to the world that I loved you truly. With all my heart. And that was all that mattered.

Love,

Skye.