Life Lines

6

Eyes don't lie, they say. They do lie. And they're really good at it. My eyes can fool even me.

But I think it's something else. I think our eyes just don't know how to speak. They are like babies. Full of things to say but no way to put any of it into words. So they end up babbling with all their might. And when babbling doesn't work, they cry.

When Aiden told me that I came first, my eyes had a reaction similar to that of a robot's short circuit. At least that's what I say to myself. They did not widen. And they did not look away. My eyes just froze. Everything around me froze. I couldn't hear what the teacher was saying. I couldn't hear the person beside me asking for something. And I couldn't hear what Aiden said right after.

His words just kept ringing in my ears. Pounding on my eardrums like the songs we used to sing together.

And when I finally came back to my senses, I asked him why he never told me that before. I asked him why he didn't let me know.

"Are you kidding me? Were my signs not clear?"

They weren't. His signs were not clear enough. I replayed each and every one of our interactions to look for the signs. I found none. Because I chose to ignore them. All because I was afraid. "No.... I never realised what you meant to say..."

"Now you see why I never told you directly?"

"I know I'm too late, but I liked you too. Or, I think I did."

"What do you mean, you think you liked me?"

"I don't know. Whatever I felt for you... I think that's what liking someone means."

"You'll never be sure of me, will you?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. You liked me. It's in the past now."

"You're right. It's in the past. I don't know why I even bothered telling you any of this."

"Yeah.... Why did you?"

"Because,"

"Because what, Aiden?"

"I couldn't hide it from you anymore. Do you know how hard I tried to show you that I cared?"

"Aiden, I,"

"It never seemed to have any effect on you. And now, when I finally thought I could close this chapter, you're telling me you liked me too?"

"I didn't understand your signs, okay? I was too afraid to think of all the possibilities."

"So you broke your heart and mine all because you were afraid?"

"It's not like that,"

"It is exactly like that."

"Why didn't you try once more? Why didn't you come after me when I left that day?"

"You left. Even when I asked to meet. How could I try again when that was a clear no?"

"No, it wasn't a clear no. You didn't even ask clearly."

"Keep telling yourself that Skye. Keep fooling yourself. Deep down we both know that you understood everything. You felt everything and yet you chose to let your fears dictate you."

"You don't know why I did that. You don't understand."

"Oh, I do understand. I wasn't worth the risk. Even now I'm not."

"What do you even mean?"

"How are you so dense?"

"Do you think if I understood I'd keep asking these vague questions?"

"Right. You don't understand. Right. So let me tell you what I mean."

"Yes. Please do."

"I used to like you. And you ignored my signs. So I stopped waiting for you and I moved on. I found someone I could actually love. Someone who didn't let their fear control them. Someone who didn't ignore me. But it didn't last. And I'm still heartbroken. So I tried getting some closure with you. Because I wanted to know why you ignored my signs. And you told me you were afraid."

"It wasn't like that,"

"You left me hanging because you couldn't look past your fear."

"Fine. Think what you will. I'm sorry. I didn't want to lose what we already had."

"What did we have, Skye? What would you call that?"

"A beautiful friendship."

"Right. We were amazing friends."

"Yes, we were. And it wasn't worth losing over feelings which I thought were one-sided."

"So what do you want now?"

"Can't we still be friends?"

"We can. I just don't think we'll be able to go back to how we were before."

"All I care about is getting back the friend I almost lost."

"Fine. We're friends then. Don't break my heart again, Skye."

"I won't."

⁕⁕⁕

Dear Aiden,

I hope this never finds you. I'm sorry I broke your heart back then. I don't have words left to convey. Because the more I say, the more it hurts. All I can do is apologize. I'm sorry.

If I could go back in time, I would apologize again and again and again.

If I could get you back, I would not give up. I would not let you leave. Not again. Not ever. But I failed.

And I'm sorry.

Love,

Skye.