𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞//𝐣𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲

𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓭 𝓪𝓽 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽

"What would you do if I told you, you make me crazy"

Me and JJ have been fighting a lot recently. We come to Rossi’s party, and, of course, everyone notices the tension between us, so they push us to talk it out.

“Emily, I really don’t want to do this right now. I get it, right? You’re annoyed, too. So let’s just act like we’re talking about it. I just need a glass of wine.” Jennifer sighs deeply and goes to Rossi’s kitchen. She comes back with two almost-full glasses and hands one of them to you. 

I take it. "Alcohol does not solve our problem. Talking does"

“No, it doesn't, but it helps me escape this bullshit we’re in. I don't even want to be here.” Jennifer sighs again. “We always argue after every party, anyway.”

"Yes, we do, because you won't admit anything."

"And what do you think that I should admit, exactly?" Jennifer raises an eyebrow at her. "You want me to admit I'm in a bad mood. I am. The whole damn world knows. Can't you leave me alone?"

"I am not talking about that right now." 

"Then what?" Jennifer takes another sip of her wine.

"That we slept together... and then you banished the next morning, and now you act like nothing happened."

“It was an accident, okay?” Jennifer frowns a bit at her. “We were a little drunk, and... Yeah, it happened.”

"Don't play this role again. You know what you were doing. You wanted that."

"It... I-" Jennifer looks away, a little embarrassed by this conversation. "Okay, I did want it, but that doesn't mean I don't regret it. It means nothing."

"Seriously, then look at me. Look at me, and tell me again that it meant nothing to you. That night. Say it was nothing, and I will let it be. And I would never bring this up again." 

Jennifer stays silent for a few, long seconds. She then raises her eyes and looks right into yours. "It meant nothing," she says slowly, each word pronounced and measured. "Nothing"

I nod. "Alright then"

Jennifer sips her wine one more time. "That's it? You're just gonna accept it? You accept that it meant nothing."

"Jennifer, I liked you, and we slept together. It meant nothing to you, so what is left for me? Just move on and forget it."

Jennifer looks down, feeling guilty. "You're not going to hold any grudges against me?"

"You shouldn't drink that much, or you may get drunk again, sleep with somebody else, and then act like it was nothing."

Jennifer rolls her eyes. "Shut up. It was an accident. I'm not like that."

"You remember what you told me through that?" I smile "That it never felt that great with any of your boyfriends that you have been with."

Jennifer looks up at her again, her face suddenly red. "I was drunk, Emily; I don't—I didn't mean that."

I scuff. "So let me put this straight. Was it just the sex? You used me..."

Jennifer scowls. "No, I didn't." She shakes her head, then sighs. "I just... I was drunk. It's stupid. It's not your fault. I'm sorry for, you know, making you feel that way, but I swear it wasn't intentional.

"So you... don't have any feelings for me?" I say, "Please be real with me." 

Jennifer doesn't answer for a long time. She just stares into the glass in her hands, her eyes looking down. Finally, she says, "I don't know, Em. I don't know if I do. You... yeah, I was attracted to you. At that moment, But..." Her voice trails off.

"What are you scared of? Why are you scared of admitting that it meant something for you?."

Jennifer stays silent for a while. "I... You want to know the truth?"

"Please. It's the only thing I want right now. For you to be truthfully with me."

Jennifer sighs. "I guess I'm scared... scared because... I think if I admitted that I had feelings for you, even if it was only one night, you would want to do that again. And I don't think that we can do that again. It's that simple."

"No, actually, it's not that simple, JJ, because if you had feelings for me, it would mean they were mutual, and if they were, we could work this out."

"You want to try working this out?" Jennifer frowns, as if in disbelief. "Seriously? And... we're talking about a relationship here?"

"I don't know! You are the most important person in my life. Since I came here for this job, It was always you. I can't decide who I fall in love with. And that night... I just can't believe you. Look, I'm not talking about relationships; I just want you to know how I feel."

Jennifer stared at me in silence for a while. She doesn't exactly know what to say or how to feel. She thinks she may just be realizing how much she really cares for me too.

"This is crazy," she finally says. "You're... you mean a lot to me too. But we're partners. How would something like this even work? How can we continue working together if we're also in a relationship? What if we fight? Or, I mean, what if we break up? What then?"

"Why are you always so pessimistic? Can't you live in the moment? Be happy with that...whatever. We can keep it private." 

Jennifer sighs. "But what if people find out? What if—what if we break up? It'll ruin our work relationship. It's just not... I don't know if it's something we should risk. We just have to ignore it like nothing happened."

I come closer and take her hand. "I don't want to pretend I don't want you anymore."

Jennifer looks at her, her heart beating a little faster. She takes a deep breath. "I don't know if I can pretend either."

"Then don't...just admit that, and we will figure out whats next together."

"But if things get bad..." Jennifer says, her voice softening, and she finally raises her eyes and looks straight into yours. "What then?"

"We will find a way to get through it."

Jennifer nods and stares at me again. She realizes that she's really letting herself fall into this, letting herself feel something more... 
"Promise?"

"Yeah...i do"

Jennifer smiles a little. "Okay... Okay. Let's try, I guess." She pauses for a second, then takes her hand and pulls her closer. "I'm scared, too."

"You don't have to be...it will be okay," I say, stroking her hair slightly. 

Jennifer leans her head slightly back into your hand and lets out a sigh of relief. She finally feels like she can relax, like she can finally let her guard down.

"So... we're really doing this, yes?" She whispers.

"Yes," I smile.

Jennifer smiles back, then pulls her closer. "So that means I can kiss you now?" She laughs softly.

"Well, there is our team right next door. Do you want to risk it?" 

Jennifer laughs again. "Yeah, let's risk it. I mean, if we're going to be together, we'll have to get used to the risk eventually, right? And... I really want to kiss you right now."

I smile. "Oh, I thought it meant nothing to you," I tease her.

Jennifer scowls. "Shut up. Now kiss me."

"With pleasure," I smile and lean to kiss her.

Jennifer smiles softly as she feels my lips on her own. She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer, and for a few seconds, the two of us forget about everything else—about the team next door that could come in anytime—and about her worries about the possible breakup that could happen in the future.

We're just together, here and now, and that's what.