𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞//𝐣𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲

𝓫𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓻𝓮

"Your hands were on my hips, your name is on my lips"

There are a couple of things that we don't talk about in our team anymore.

Like, Spencer's addiction, Aaron's past, or how I faked my own death.
We don't talk about it, even if we could.
It's just too many memories that none of us want to remind ourselves of.

One thing we don't talk about is that night when JJ kissed me at Penelope's birthday party. We all took it as a fun because we were all drunk and had a great time.

But at that moment, when she touched my lips, I knew it wasn't just some friendly kiss. And the look of shame in her eyes when she pulled away from me, could tell this was something way more serious. She quickly left after that, saying that she didn't feel really good.

No one said anything about it. No one brings it up again. Not even me. Even if I wanted to. I was scared; I didn't want to lose my best friend because of some mistake. I mean, it felt right at that moment, for me. But she tried so hard to act like nothing happened that I thought maybe she regretted all of it.

Anyway, it was a long time ago; she probably already forgot about it. We are friends, after all.
Even if I often catch her looking at me,. Even if I am in the room, doing absolutely nothing, I feel her eyes on me. I won't lie; it's confusing.

But It's JJ, Blondie with blue eyes, fiancé, and engagement ring, who talk about her wedding and that asked me to be her bride maid.

So I often just smile at her, and then she looks away. There is nothing more I can do. I wish she would come to me. Talk to me. Say how she feels. But I know she will never do that. It just doesn't make sense to me. I tell myself that, friends don't look at friends that way. But there is nothing I can do about it.

And I know It's not just me. Hotch asked me a couple of days ago if there's something going on between us. He's never been that forward with that kind of thing. He said that JJ is acting really different around me. Even though I never noticed that.
I told him we were just friends, and he never brought that up again. After all, JJ is getting married in, like, four months. After that, this would all stop.

I was a wild teenager. I was kissing girls before I ever kissed a guy. And even in that case, it was because of the truth or dare back in high school. Dark times.

I was confident in my skin. About my sexuality. I never labeled myself as anything. I simply knew I liked women, and sometimes men. I never talked about it in front of my team. Simply put, I am a very private person.

But today, when I told Jennifer that I was going on a date with a girl, something like a relief in my heart dropped. It's just something about saying that you love someone who cares about you. Feel great. When I was leaving her office, I felt the urge to come back, ask her out, talk about...anything. I felt we were becoming strangers; even I knew very well that's not the case, .

Natalie was great. I took her for dinner to my favorite place. Then to my apartment. When we had fun,. With champagne,together under a fluffy blanket, with my cat between us.

We were best friends in high school. Everyone thought we dated. But she always told me she liked guys. Until now, when she finally admitted that she liked me the whole time. Things could have been very different if I had known it back then. Natalie is now a lawyer. Very good one. She has her own office. She's incredibly beautiful.

She placed her hand on mine and glanced at my lips and then at my eyes. I knew she wanted me. And when she leans closer, and I feel her soft breath on my lips, all I want to do is forget about Jennifer and kiss the sh*t of this beautiful woman in front of me. So I lean in and do as my mind is telling me to. Sadly, as much as I tried, My mind traveled back to the party, when our lips touched. She kissed me with passion and desire; it was too long for a mistaken kiss. I try to get her out of my head. But even after the half-bottle of champagne I drank, she wouldn't despair.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

A new day has come, and I'm at work a little late. As I walk to the room when everyone is waiting for me to present us another case, Derek whistles at me with a smirk.

"You had a lot of fun last night, didn't you?" he smiles.

I smiled slightly.
"Sorry, I'm late," I say to Hotch.

"Don't be late again," he says, and I nod. I look at JJ.

She is standing in front of the projector, her eyes glued to mine.

"JJ, you can start," Hotch says.
She clears her throat, and starts to talk about her new case. She looks tired; I'm thinking about how long she was doing that paper works yesterday. Her words are a little slurred; she looks stressed, not herself.

Once she's over, Hotch tells us we are leaving in thirty minutes and we should get ready. I make myself coffee and as I walk, I see JJ in her office.

"Knock, knock, want some coffee?" I ask her

"Do I actually look like I need it so bad?" she smiles.

"I didn't say that; you look beautiful as always," I say, handing her the coffee.

Her smile dropped, and her hands were slightly shaking as she took the coffee. I glanced at her hand.

"You don't have a ring. Did something happened between you and Will?" I asked curiously.

She shakes her head.
"No, no, we are fine; it's just...in cleaner," she says.

And even she knows that stupid excuse. She got engaged a month ago, so the ring was obviously still pretty clean and new. But I don't say anything and just nod.

"How was your date?" she asks. And I doubt she really wants to hear the truth.

"You know, it was great; we talked a lot," I say.

"Do you...think it's serious?" she asks, looking straight at me with those big blue eyes.

"Who knows,we'll see"

"Do...you want it to be, though? Something serious?" she asks.
I'm a little lost with her question. What is her point?

"Actually, yeah, I would like to," I say eventually. She smiles and bites her cheek.

"Then, good luck with that," she says. I nod and leave her office. She's acting weird. But I won't question it. I sigh, and I follow my team into the plane.

Now it's time to clear my head and solve this case.