SIREN

Marks Of Pain

Siren

It's weird, the feeling I get after I make myself feel pain when it dawned on me this morning how much Baranova made a number on me. When I was young, after the incident with my step father. I did something I never thought in the entire world would make me feel somewhat better.

Physical pain.

I made myself feel physical pain by using the lighter he usually used to smoke his cigarettes. I remember the sensation of it all. My skin burning until I could feel and smell burning flesh before the tears finally stopped. I stopped focusing on the pain that comes with emotional pain and focused on the one I instilled upon myself.

Then when I started living with Baranov, I did the same thing in order to stop my mind from thinking about terrible memories of them. I only stopped when the sensation of getting the tattoo of Drakon on my back felt ten times better than the marks I kept leaving inbetween my thighs. Where no one would see.

I was never brave enough to tell Amara the story behind that because I didn't want her to think of me as weak. But maybe if she knew.. no. I can't think those thoughts because then if I was still with her when she died, I would've tried by all means to protect her and we would both die in the process and as much as she didn't want me anymore, I am still partially doing this for her. I'm getting revenge on Baranov for her.

Baranov who never allowed me to have any other tattoo besides the one of the mark of Drakon but out of need to rid myself of the shitty thoughts that were forming in my head, I went to a tattoo shop and I chose a bunch of small random tattoos for the girl to do on my back and she gladly complied.

I needed to feel the pain and I needed it to be next to the tattoo I was forced to have. I'd remove it but I'd like to keep it there for a little while longer, it'll most likely piss off the Russians that will recognize it.

I was having a very good day, as good as it gets for someone like me. I made myself some breakfast. Did a couple of workouts and some training and then when I went to shower, I started thinking about my fucked up life and that's when I got the idea to go visit this tattoo parlor I am currently in.

Just a few days ago after my meeting with Salian. Domenico Salian is his full name. I thought long and hard about what Viktor said about me "fitting in" and blending with the crowd. That includes a whole new change of me, what I wear and what I look like because being a robot makes me stick out like a sore thumb and so I did that.

I don't know what convinced me to but I found myself searching on the internet for something that will fit me and I found it. Then I bought the clothes, starting to pay more attention to my looks and my hair but I don't plan for it to last.

My favorite thing I bought though are the high heeled boots and the leather gloves that I only ever need when necessary.

"All done." The lady's voice takes me away from my attention when she tells me my tattoo is done. But she's not done so I point out another tattoo and tell her to start working and not waste any time. I am enjoying this, the stinging sensation.

That is until.. my phone beeps with a notification on the table. The artist hands me the thing and before I open it, the notification bar tells me this is not just any notification but it's an email from yours truly. He wants me to go to his place to sign the contract that has finally been drafted. His reason is that since the arrangement is between us two, his home office is best because it's soundproof.

I'm not stupid not to know that me being at his home is dangerous and makes me completely vulnerable, he can overpower me by a tone. He probably has security guards in every entryway and exit. Every corner has a camera and every ground monitored by him and his useless goons. And being too cocky just because of my skills can get me killed, but alas, since I'd probably be moving in soon, I need to show him I'm not scared of him or his friends.