Vagabond

Chapter 1: Graveyard

Mamila passed away in a not-so-favorable time.

I checked kung kailan at anong oras siya nagpahinga at sino ang mga kasama niya, and the nurse said wala raw ibang nakausap si Mamila that night aside sa akin. It was five in the morning when they brought her to the hospital, and she was brought in dead.

I've spent years slowly killing my old self just to fit in our cruel world, and now it's already dead.

I thought I'd had enough battles, but in reality, I'm not even landing on the first half.

Sobrang sama ng loob ko na pag-uwi ko sa Manila, ang dami na pala nilang nag-aabang lang ng news kung kailan mawawala si Mamila.

It was so fucked up, I really felt the urge to punch some faces guilty of thinking about my grandmother's "much-awaited" death.

I visited the chapel where they held Mamila's wake. Once lang nawalan ng tao roon pagdating ng gabi at may guard lang na hired nina Daddy para magbantay kung sino ang mga darating. It was one in the morning, and the guard was sipping his coffee when I arrived.

"Excuse me, saan po silang lahat?" tanong ko sa guard.

"Ay! Dadalaw ba kayo, sir?"

I took my wallet and gave him my calling card. "I'm Connor Dardenne."

"Ah . . . dito, ser. Pasok kayo. Bukas naman 'yan." He took my contact info and placed it above the logbook. "Umuwi muna sila, pinauwi ni Sir Rico para

makapagpahinga silang lahat. Mamaya raw umaga ang balik nila. Last day na kasi bukas."

Another path of emptiness.

I'm mourning the loss of someone I would sacrifice my life for. This was not the first time I'd experienced the loss of a version of myself. I lost count of how many times I had felt like a walking graveyard daily.

Nilakad ko ang aisle hanggang makalapit sa casket ni Mamila. A few days ago, I saw her photos from her younger days with my grandfather. She's glowing and happy. Tita Sab and Dad definitely got her face.

I stared at her face inside the glass cover of the elegant white and gold casket.

"Hi, 'La . . ." Tears formed in my eyes, creating a thin line of liquid ready to pour. "Your roses are ready. I fixed the garden for you . . ."

I placed my right palm above the cold glass.

"I'll surprise you once I get home, right?"

My hand was shaking as I tried to touch her face behind the glass.

I don't want her to go. I'm not ready yet.

"I love you so much, 'La . . . always."

Life's giving me tons of reasons to give up, but I'm not giving up without a fight. If they can give me their worst shots right now, I'll give it back twice.

My grandmother is dead, and everyone's fucking everything up. It's not the best day to feel weary. I have to face life mourning, tired, and exhausted.

Umalis din ako agad sa chapel. I told the guard to call me once dadalhin na sa memorial park si Mamila.

My dad's giving me more reasons to hate my family.

It's been three years since the last time Tita Mel talked to me kahit sa call lang kaya unexpected na siya pa ang nagbalita sa akin na wala na si Mamila.

But I know that it wasn't about my grandmother's passing that she called. It was about my grandmother's company na gustong ibenta ng daddy ko.

Kung ano man ang reason ni Daddy kaya niya 'yon gustong ibenta, never ko 'yong tatanggapin. Mamila worked hard for that company for almost half a century, tapos ganito lang ang gagawin niya?