Eighteen Letters To Juan Karlos •COMPLETED•

The Fourteenth Letter

"I can't find which hotel we were in, JK." Darren said, biting on his nails nervously. His face was scrunched up in thought, eyebrows mushed together.

Juan Karlos rolled onto his side to look up at the chinito boy, and felt a pang of sadness. Darren looked like he felt awful, and he hadn't even read the letters. He considered for a moment offering to let him read them, but quickly shoved it to the back of his mind. Not yet. Maybe one day, he'd ask Addie, be able to ask her and then Darren could read them. But for now, they were addressed to him, meant for his eyes only and that's how they'd stay.

"Maybe- Did she say anything in the letters? About where she lived?" Darren asked.

"I don't know." JK said, frowning. "Maybe."

"Do you want to have a look? I can't think of anything else."

Juan Karlos paused, and stared at the pile of letters in his hands. The fourteenth one sat on top, still unopened, and he sighed heavily. He wanted to read the latest one, after all. Darren watched him carefully.

"I could do it, if you like."

He stopped. Did he want Darren to do that? He really, really didn't. Addie was his secret, and maybe that was stupid, but she was. "I don't know," he replied truthfully

"I'll just skim over them I promise. I'm good at that," Darren said. "If you just read you letter and I'll look through the rest, maybe we can find her quicker. Yeah?"

Juan Karlos paused. Thought about it.

"Okay," and he handed Darren the pile of letters, ripping open the fourteenth.

Dear Juan Karlos,

There's not much to tell you about, right now. New kid looking even more like Evan then I'd originally thought. Lisa is still acting weird. Maddie rang up yesterday, blabbing about her new school and her new foster family and her new life without me in it. I'm happy for the kid, I really am, she deserves all this more than anyone, it's just.. I miss her a lot sometimes.

And then there's still the crippling sadness that feels like its eating me up from the inside.

Oh Addie, JK thought, biting his lip. Beside him, Darren was flicking through one of the letters, his eyes skimming over the slanted handwriting.

I'm scared, Juan Karlos. I feel like I'm going insane or there's something wrong with me. Am I going mad, JK? I think I might be. Sometimes I lay in bed and dream of just floating away, imagine all my body parts becoming weightless and floating through the ceiling. Up, into the distance and out of the earth's atmosphere and into space.