❝ figure me out ❞ park sunghoon

-5-

julie dragged herself to school the next day too. on the way to her classroom she suddenly felt very hot. it was almost like suffocating and it felt like she couldn't breathe. she sat on the bench in the corridor. she calmed down a little after a while and rested her head in her palms. on the mirror she looked at herself. all her hair was covering her face and only some of her face was visible. julie really hates how she looks sometimes. why would they ever talk to you when you literally look like a pathetic homeless inhuman species who lives in the woods, she thought. she moved her hair from her face and combed it with her fingers. the strands of hair in front of her face were almost wet with sweat now. she blinked a few times. the hair is the problem. maybe.

she pulled out a clip from her bag and tied her hair into a high and tight bun. she wiped some of the sweat and looked at herself again. "better" she thought. but she didn't look better. she knew that too.

on the first period, julie started drawing random things in her notebook. by the end of fourth period, the whole page was filled with pencil marks and it almost looked fully black. she tried but couldn't make out a shape in all those gibberish strokes. she tore the page and threw it on the floor. she closed her notebook.

she ate her lunch in the classroom that day. the whole class was empty. well, almost. lia was in her seat, doing some work maybe. julie looked at her and kept staring. she doesn't like staring at people but she ends up doing it unconsciously. lia noticed that and looked up at her. a significant awkward silence prevailed for 72 seconds. julie hates when she looks at someone and they look at her too. she doesn't like eye-contact.

"what are you looking at?" lia started.
"are you not going to eat lunch?"
lia smiled softly. "I need to finish my math assignment first."
"but isn't it due next week?"
"I know. but I gave myself a deadline of tomorrow. it's because I need to finish other things after tomorrow too."

she nodded her head and looked down at her lunch. lia probably went back to her work. she didn't look back. suddenly her food tasted so bad. she didn't have appetite anymore. so she closed her lunch box and went out of the classroom.

she went to the school ground and stood near the railing. it was very sunny, given the fact that it was almost winter. she was standing behind a tree. she didn't dare leave its shed because the sun felt like it was burning her skin.

julie has never stepped foot in the actual ground amidst all the students willingly. she had to, twelve times, during PE. but never when she had choice. she mostly doesn't go to school when they have a PE class. she doesn't like going among everyone in the sun in the open playground. it feels like she's exposed and anyone could slash her into half. she knows that wouldn't happen. but the thought is always in her mind.

julie noticed sunghoon. he was very far away, with his friends. sunghoon was not very noticeable in his background. he was wearing blue and the wall behind him was also blue. two guys in their group were also wearing blue. his face was almost not visible amongst the crowd. she could catch glances of him here and there. julie hates how she notices him every time. her eyes unconsciously land on him and she hates that they stay there.

sunghoon suddenly noticed that julie was staring. she wondered how he noticed her from the tree-shed. it was really dark where she was standing.

this has happened before, mostly sunghoon doesn't really give a crap about her and continues with whatever he was doing.

but

but then he was telling jake (maybe he was jake) something while having his eyes fixed in her direction. then he started... to come her way? julie thought maybe she was imagining it but no. sunghoon really was coming her way.

julie got really nervous at that. then sunghoon was suddenly in front of her. it felt like it took both a thousand years and 2 seconds for sunghoon to get there. sunghoon's friends were not looking in there direction, that made julie relax a bit.

sunghoon was looking at her with his brows furrowed. he was breathing heavily. maybe he really did cross the entire field in 2 seconds.

"h-hi" julie stammered. she was not directly looking at him then. she was looking at his shows actually. and his shadow.

"did you want to tell me something?"
"what? no. not really."
sunghoon seemed to think for a bit. "Okay. did you ask your parents about the dinner?"
"not yet."
sunghoon looked sideways. "Okay. don't forget about it, alright?"
"I won't."

he looked down and then up at her again. julie really envies how he can maintain eye-contacts with people he's talking to.

"I will go then."
"okay."

he walked away silently and it felt like some piece of her was going away from her. but she didn't understand the feeling completely.

after recess, sunghoon found a note on the floor beside his seat. it was not really a note, it was just a page filled with gibberish drawings. he found his name written in a few places on the page. but other than that, he couldn't really make out anything.