❝ figure me out ❞ park sunghoon

-11-

that night when julie's mom was washing the dishes after dinner, she stood beside her. she hasn't really had a conversation with her in a long time. the room was almost dark. she stood there with her hands folded over her chest.

"did you really ask sunghoon to tutor me?"

her mom looked up from her work. "you're failing julie. what do you even expect me to do." she paused. "sunghoon is a good kid. asian kids are mostly good at their studies. plus he's our neighbor. you should be happy that he is your tutor. isn't he your friend?"

"hmm" she said. then looked down.

"this is your final year. I don't want you sleeping all day, doing nothing. get up, go to school, study, try to be like everyone else."

julie nodded. "sunghoon is the same age as you. yet look at him, how well he manages school and sports, he is ace-ing in every field. and we don't even put much pressure on you. but you cant even pass." she turned to face her. "julie, i don't want to be rude to you. but you need to sort your life out. life is not about staying in your room all day, moping. go out, make friends. stop being so weird and different from others all the time. I am so worried about you."

her mom kept talking for what felt like an hour. then julie went back to her room. she opened her phone to see a text from lia. she had sent her chemistry notes. julie thanked her and then opened instagram. sunghoon posted some pictures of himself with his friends. they probably went somewhere yesterday. she checked some profiles that were tagged in the story. she didnt check the rest. she saw stories of her other classmates. she thought of posting a story too and opened her gallery to find some pictures of herself. but she couldn't find any.

she was almost crying now and closed instagram. then she went to sleep.

the next day was saturday. she went to school but it was a half-day. she was mostly looking out of the window during classes. winter was almost there and the leaves were falling from the trees. during english class, the teacher asked her to read out a passage from their text so she did. she brought her diary to class that day. she doesn't really write much in it, just sometimes when she needs to list something, or vent. today she wrote down all the chapters she needs to get done before the end of this month. it felt a lot but she told herself it was okay.

julie didn't wait for sunghoon that day, she hasn't been doing that for two weeks now, after sunghoon's skating competition. she has decided she won't bother him anymore. she will try to forget him. for real this time. yes he comes to her house twice a week to tutor her. but she wouldn't read too much into it and let things go. and she will try to study hard.

but when she reached her home she ended up crying, for no reason again. she slept on the floor for a few hours. then she got up and finished up some of her notes and practise sheets. some concepts were getting clearer to her after listening to sunghoon explaining. she felt relieved. maybe she won't fail.

she was becoming friends with lia little by little. they had conversations during school hour. julie thought she shouldn't mess this up so she used to think before saying anything to her and tried to look presentable in school. she mostly tied her hair in a bun and tried to focus on classes.

the next day when she was returning from school she saw sunghoon standing in front of her door. she slowed down when she saw him. he was wearing a green shirt and a black jacket over it. it was pretty cold outside.

"hey!" he started, fiddling with his hands.
"hi sunghoon." julie said, standing in front him. he was very tall, she thought. the sun was almost bothering her because the rays were directly in her eyes. but as if sunghoon noticed that he came in front of her and covered her from the sun. her eyes relaxed a bit and she looked at sunghoon's face, his moles. she hates how plump his lips are, how soft his skin looks. she looked down.

"next Thursday is my birthday."

julie knew that. well she tries to forget every year but she can't. she used to wish him before but for the past few years she doesn't. it always felt like sunghoon didn't like being wished by her. so she stopped.

"oh. sorry I forgot."

he looked perplexed and a bit confused. then he started again. "im inviting some of my friends to my house that day. it's not anything big" he laughed softly, then ran his fingers through his hair, "I'd like it if you would come." he looked at her in the eyes.

she looked away suddenly. she stayed silent for a few moments before she spoke "okay..." she tried to continue but didn't know what to say anymore.

he waited as if he knew, then nodded. "so you would come right?" he said.

"yes I would." she simply said. she hates how she can't converse like normal people do. especially in front of sunghoon. her eyes were going back and forth between sunghoon's eyes and his shoes at this point. he sighed. "I'll be going, then." he waited a bit more.

julie wondered why he was not walking away. "my mom made cookies." she said then. he seemed to relax a bit, then a small smile. "oh really?" he breathed, "can I have some?"

"yes of course." she nodded. "come inside."