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"of course I feel too much, I'm a universe of exploding stars"
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As midnight calls upon us, I open the windows to my bedroom and let the cool night air flow in as I strip off my dress. I feel hot all over. My skin feels too tight and my heart hasn't stopped racing.
Sometimes on nights like these I like to go down to the dock and wait for my parents to come. I stare out at the sea, trying to see the ship my family sailed away on. I want to feel something, something besides the vague queasiness and heartbreak. I want to feel more, but every time I look out where the sea meets the sky, I feel less.
I think about honing my sword skills right now and going down to the armory but I don't. I stand in front of my window and imagine myself flying away from here on my Dragon that is being kept in the Dragon Pit.
"I'm so tired," I say out loud. "So tired." I sit there for a long time, watching the moon glide the sky, listening to the waves crash as the tide comes in. Suddenly, my door opens and I look to see my maid Diana.
"Tired of what, if I may ask?" She says, lying some newly washed undergarments on my bed for sleep.
I sigh and answer her honestly for once. "Of being here. Of being powerless."
She studies my face, then tells me to sit down at my dresser so she can take my braids out.
!!~~~!!
I sleep the night away and wake disoriented, battling my way out of my thousands of blankets. Drool has dried on one of my pillows.
I find bathwater waiting for me, steam rising from the tub. Servants must have come and gone not that long ago. I climb in and splash my face, scrubbing myself clean. When Diana comes in to fix my hair, she finds me already dressing for today. I pull on some gray leather shoes and a dress with nice flowing sleeves.
Downstairs, I find everyone sitting and waiting for the food to come so we can break fast. I used to eat up in my room, not wanting to see anyone. Alicent insisted, out of pure rage I think, started making me sit with everyone else and eat. She also probably understands how much that makes me loathe her.
So to make her happy, I sit down and pile bacon and fried fish, eggs, and meat on my plate. As I finish everything, a servant takes my plate and I stand up, everyone sparing glances my way but I do not look. I snag a plum from the bowl of fruit, wiping it on my clothes before taking a bite and exiting the room. I eat it slowly as I make my way down to the docks.
I use to come here and sit all day, staring at the waves and the people hauling fish in from port. A servant would have to bring me lunch because I refused to walk back up and have it in the Great Hall with the rest of them. I hear someone come up behind me and I swiftly turn around, my dagger in hand and I stand up ready to face whoever has just snuck up on me.
