Charity Night (english)

15

When I wake up again a good eight hours later, the side of the bed next to me is empty and cold and somehow I'm relieved that I don't have to face Zachery right away.

However, I would prefer that to the thought of him sitting downstairs with my parents or even my sister and possibly being told some old stories that really don't concern him at all.

I slowly get up and make my way to the small, adjoining bathroom to shower and make myself presentable.

Unfortunately, the warm water flowing over my body that I thought would calm me does nothing of the sort. On the contrary, the longer I stand under it, the more tense I become.

What if he spills the beans to my parents and tells them what happened between us? Or even worse, if my parents then tell him that I really left everything behind here to pursue a career?

What if they told him about Nick...

That would only make everything more complicated and he will ask me questions that I can't and don't want to answer.

So I quickly grab a pair of jeans and a sweater, slip on my slippers and rush down the stairs to find that no one is home. A little confused, I go into the kitchen and put the old cast-iron kettle on the gas stove to make a pot of tea, with which I will then sit down in our small, glass pavilion and finally pick up a good book again.

It's been far too long since I've taken the time to do things like this and I miss it a lot sometimes, but I also know that I'm just wasting time that I could be spending on leveling up and that's it only reason why I moved from this beautiful environment to far away London.

Completely lost in thought, I startle when the whistling noise comes from the kettle and grab it to pour the boiling liquid into the pot and the bag.

Then I slip into my boots and open the door out into the garden.

That has always been my favorite look. Down on the cliffs and the sea, which glitters so beautifully in the sun all the way to the horizon.

I take long strides towards the small building that stands at the lowest end of our property and pause a little when I see that the door is open.

However, as I step closer, I can see Zac sitting in one of the chairs, staring into space, lost in thought.

At first I'm not sure whether I should go to him and my first impulse is to leave him alone, but then I gather all the courage and step through the glass door too. Because he doesn't seem to notice me right away, I clear my throat quietly and then sit on the other chair opposite him.

It takes a few moments before he turns to me and gives me a crooked grin.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asks me and somehow I have the feeling that I'm in completely the wrong place. I can't just escape him here, I feel that immediately.

"Well, this is my retreat... Whenever I'm here and have time for myself, I take a book and let myself relax here for a bit. It's so different here than in London and yet I love both places equally."

"Why did you leave this behind if you love it so much?" His question catches me off guard and I stare at him, a little overwhelmed.

"I think I've always felt a bit restricted here... There aren't many options for what you can do professionally here and I've always felt called to do more. Oh, I have no idea how to say that!"

Zac just nods and then turns his head back towards the cliff.

"It's really incredibly beautiful here. I haven't felt as rested as I did tonight in a long time..."

Since I don't know what to say to that, I just remain silent and let my gaze slide back and forth between his profile and the sea.

"...I don't know if it's because of the quiet surroundings or because you were lying next to me..." he adds in a whisper.

I promptly choke on my hot tea and stare at him as if he were a ghost.

Did he really just say that?

"Zac, I don't know why, but I find it hard to stay away from you, but I don't think I can or want to form a committed relationship. Besides, you're still my boss and the fact that you've now exposed your brother to me doesn't change that."

From the corner of my eye I notice that my supervisor stands up and slowly walks over to me. Then he crouches down in front of me and takes my face in his large hands.

"Charlotte, I have no idea what has hurt you so much that you are so afraid of any commitment, but I will prove to you that I will not restrict or hurt you in any way. To be honest, I think we could both benefit from each other."

Before he can continue, I interrupt him because I simply don't want to hear what he has to say because I know full well that he is right.

I just don't want to admit it to myself at all.

"Your brother asked me out!" I spit at him and at the same time I regret saying it.

Zachery's gaze completely derails him and the previously optimistic expression immediately changes to disappointed and defensive.

His facial features hardened and without even looking at me he asked, "So?" Did you say yes?"

"It's not that easy..." I try to explain to him, but he immediately shakes his head.

"I want a simple answer... yes or no?" he hisses at me.

I try to explain myself again, but he just doesn't let me get a word in edgewise, because after I could even say the word 'yes' he jumped up and fled from the pavilion towards the sea.

I run after him with quick steps and shout to him that it's just a misunderstanding, but he's just faster and it looks like he's not listening to me anymore.

Frustrated, I stop and wonder why I even care so much about believing me.

I mean, it really doesn't matter, does it?

Do I feel more for him than I want to admit?