Charity Night (english)

17

A while later, completely soaked and shivering from the cold, I'm still sitting on the dripping wet meadow, just staring into space and letting his words run through my head over and over again.

It's just too hard for me to admit that maybe he could be right about what he said to me.

Unfortunately, I'm just my mother's daughter and stubborn to no end. Especially when I'm probably just too stubborn for the most part to admit to myself that it would be so much easier if I just let myself get involved with him.

At least now the streams of tears are no longer running unstoppably down my cheeks and the sniffling has also stopped.

I've had to sit here for quite a while as the rain is slowly easing and the clouds of fog that had limited visibility quite a bit are now clearing up again, freeing up the view of the familiar cliffs again.

As dangerous as they are, the sight of them comforts me at the moment.

Once again I am more than aware of how long it has been since I took a break here in my home country.

Most of the time I only came here for a short trip over a weekend and then I usually brought work with me, which I then holed up in our pavilion and only kept my parents company at mealtimes.

Looking back now, it's not fair... neither to my parents nor to myself.

It was always clear to me that my career came before everything else and my parents always supported me, even when they didn't understand it, and now I've returned home without work for the first time in months and I'm bringing mine in return Emotional chaos that distracts me even more from my family.

It's time for me to pull myself together and give them the attention I owe them.

Also, I have to sort things out with Zac. Is he right? Am I just running away from my feelings? Am I closing myself off from the truth?

I keep going over the past few weeks in my mind and I can clearly see a pattern. He wasn't mistaken. Whenever he tried to approach me, I took two steps away from him and ran away as quickly as I could.

Before him and my feelings, which still confuse me so much.

So I get up, groaning because my joints are rusty, and wipe my face again to remove the traces of the tears I've shed. Then I take the first tentative steps back to our property.

The closer I get to my parents' house, the faster and more energetic I become and when I finally reach the glass doors at the back, without paying attention to the mud on my shoes, I jump through the hall straight to the first floor and into my old room, that I share with Zachery.

I look around confused as the room is empty. His things are gone and the sofa looks like it has never been used.

It's like he was never here. The room mocks me and for a moment I doubt myself and wonder if I didn't just dream it all, but when my sister puts her hand on my shoulder and looks at me with such pity, I know that I've screwed up.

I am too late...

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Lydia whispers to me. "Dad is just driving him to the train station. What happened?"

Unable to say anything, I just stare fixedly at the futon that stands so innocently in the corner and for the first time I can immediately feel that this time I can't make it up to him so easily.

How many times did I push him away? I always wanted to make it clear to him that things wouldn't work out between us, but I actually just wanted to protect myself and my little, battered heart.

The things we said to each other today... They were terrible!

And yet they describe who we are simply perfectly.

Desperate.

I still have to manage to reach him.

"Lydia, can you take me to the train station quickly?" I look up at my sister pleadingly as my mother appears in the door.

How should I explain this to her?

"Charlotte, you won't catch up with him anymore. Your father just went back to the farm. Now do you want to explain to me why you didn't tell us that this young, handsome man is your boss?"

This is proof again that you can't hide anything from your mother.

"Mum... I don't know where to start!" I say tearfully and could slap myself at the same moment.

"Always at the beginning, my darling!" is her simple answer.

And that's exactly what I do... I tell them both exactly how the last few weeks went, but leave out the dirty details. I keep seeing my mother smiling and Lydia's eyes widening with enthusiasm.

"Sister... you're such an idiot!" is the only thing my sister says at the end of my story and my mom nods affirmatively. "Where do you find a guy who fights so hard for you. You have to "Speak to him urgently and clarify the whole thing before it's too late. But first... girls' night... I'll get us some provisions and you'll find us a tearjerker to drive away the heartache. Tomorrow we'll make a plan." She calls out enthusiastically, darting down the stairs in her usual manner.

There she gets a pot of tea and a huge bowl of ice cream and we huddle together in front of the TV to watch one of those cheesy romantic films.