Charity Night (english)

24

How could I believe him? Every time we take a step forward, some event comes along and sets us back. I'm slowly running out of strength to withstand all of this.

Zac looks at me pleadingly and tries to reach for me. I take another step back and feel the tears running down my face.

"Zac, please leave me alone now." I realize I'm putting my career at risk by asking, but I can't stand him right now. "Charlotte, babe, I beg you... This all happened long before you and I didn't even think about it anymore. Don't throw it all away. We both fought so hard for it!" he begs me, but I don't want to listen to him anymore. So I walk past him into the bathroom, lock the door behind me and sink to the floor. That's the only way out I can think of at the moment, even if it's quite childish.

I've lost track of time for a long time, but now it's getting dark outside and I should finally eat something, even if I don't feel like it. So I stand up heavily, only now realizing how rusty I am from lying huddled on the cold tiled floor of the hotel bathroom for hours.

When I open the door I'm almost shocked because Zac is sitting in the armchair in front of the window with his eyes closed. What is he still doing here? I told him to go. I slowly walk towards him and notice that he is fast asleep. This is my chance to get out of here without having to talk to him again.

And then I do something that can have dire consequences for me. I throw my things back into my suitcase and quickly leave the room. In the elevator, I breathe out a sigh of relief and slump against the cool metal of the elevator walls.

Luckily there isn't much going on in the huge lobby and it's my turn quickly as I head to the reception to check out. "Can I ask you for something? I ask the young woman who takes the key and has me sign a piece of paper. "Naturally. What can I do for you?" If someone asks when I left, can you tell them it was a few hours ago? And could you call me a taxi to JFK airport? But it should stay between us." She looks at me a little skeptically, but in the end she nods in agreement and I smile at her gratefully.

Five minutes later, I'm in a taxi on the way to the airport when my cell phone ringtone comes from my pocket. A look at the display tells me what I already suspected. It's Zac who discovered my disappearance earlier than I'd like. I push him away and switch the smartphone to silent. I don't want to and can't talk to him now.

I keep feeling the vibration, but I only pick up the device again to buy a plane ticket back home. This will cost me a fortune, but I can't stay here any longer.

After a little over an hour we arrive at my terminal and the taxi ride alone costs me $100, including tips and tolls.

The taxi driver is just getting the suitcase out of the car when my cell phone vibrates again. I push Zac away again, feeling bad about it, but I push the thought away and make my way to check in.

The tension only drops when I finally go through security and sit down in one of the free seats at the gate. I have no idea why I always run away, but I'm not ready to reflect on my behavior at the moment. Probably mainly because I know full well that it's totally irrational and because then I have to deal with my past far too much.

Nick had been having an affair with a colleague for a long time and although I repeatedly asked him about it, he denied it for far too long. Then I caught you both in flagrante. He besieged me for weeks and tried to win back and at some point I gave in and forgave him. For a few weeks everything was the same as before, but at some point he started acting strange again... So I followed him and what awaited me there pulled the rug out from under me.

And that was exactly what stopped me from becoming emotionally involved with a man again.

Now I'm sitting here at the airport in New York City and I'm on the run. On the run from myself. On the run from my feelings that I definitely can no longer deny. And on the run from Zachery Hyde, who would absolutely stop me if he only knew where I was.

It just seems like this whole dilemma has been bothering me for years, although it's only been a few weeks and even then it hasn't always been bad. I keep breathing out loudly and trying to calm myself down inside.

Just under 40 minutes until boarding. I grab the book I started on the flight out and try to relax. However, I don't get very far because after a few minutes a man sits down next to me and when his scent reaches my olfactory buds, I turn my head towards him in confusion. And indeed...

Zac sits next to me and doesn't say a word. He just stares straight ahead. Just like I wasn't sitting next to him. I don't dare say a single word either. How does he know where I am? I shift nervously in my chair and start picking at my lips. Another habit that I urgently need to break.

"What are you doing here?" I break the silence that has existed between us for several minutes now. "I could ask you the same thing!" he replies so quietly that I can barely hear him over the airport noise, but he still just looks ahead. I don't answer him and instead just sigh out loud, because when you get right down to it, I don't really know myself.

"You know, I didn't keep it from you because I wanted to keep it a secret, but because I simply didn't think it was important. They were affairs. No more and no less. And I don't assume that I was the first man in your life. Did you tell me about the others? I don't think so... And it doesn't matter because there's something else that matters. Namely, just you and me. But you had to run away again. But this time I won't let that happen. You can't always walk away when things don't go the way you want them to. What are you so afraid of that you keep pushing me away?"

I don't know how to react to his speech, so I stay silent.

Once again.