The Angelic Paradox

Lost in My Tears

Grief consumes me as her hair disappears from sight. She hates me. She thinks my love was a hoax to lure her into my elaborate plan. That I'm a cold hearted villain even if I did save the world. She hates me. Holly comes out of the door.

"I heard raised voices. What happened?"

I shake my head , the tears stream down my cheeks, "She---she hates me."

She sits next to me, "Let it out, Artemis."

I sob into my hands and Holly pats my back. When my tremors calm a little, she says, "Why does she hate you?"

"Sh---she thinks I u---used her love---ve for m---my plan..." I stutter.

"Did you?"

I look at her angrily, "Of course not. Sabriel man---manipulated her."

Holly pats my shoulder, "It'll be okay. It's your first break up. I know it feels like the whole world has shattered and its shards have shredded you to bits. I've been through that. I don't get along with the male species well. I know. You'll live. You just have to let yourself heal. No amount of magic can. Just your own willpower, and you, Artemis Fowl, are one of the strongest willed people I've met."

"That's it though. I don't care any---anymore. W---without Emerald."

She shakes her hand, "I wish I could help you, Arty, but this is something you have to learn yourself."

I don't respond. I just curl into a ball and cry my heart out. Holly meets my gaze and her voice comes out laced with mesmer. I let my will be whisked away.

"Just sleep, Arty. You'll wake up with the people you around you. Bulter, Juliet, Myles, Beck---"

I interrupt, "But not Emerald."

She rubs my shoulders, "Maybe. I'll talk to her when she cools down."

I nod and feel my eyelids growing heavier.

"Just sleep..."

My eyes flutter open, sticky with sleep and dried tears. I stare at the ceiling as my thoughts immediately go to Emerald. The girl that hates me. That thinks I'm a more evil villain than Sabriel. My heart flutters and tears prickle in my tear ducts. I squeeze my eyes shut and let the salty substance trickle down my skin. Emerald hates me. I curl into a ball, the covers atop of me tangling around my body. A loud sob erupts from my lips as the cascade of tears reintroduces itself. My body trembles and my mind is clouded with grief. She hates me.

The door to my bedroom opens. Mother glides in and perches on the edge of my mattress.

"How are you doing, Arty?" she asks gently.

I shake my head, unable to force words past the tears and lump in my throat. She bends over and cups my cheek in her palm, "Oh, Arty, I know it's hard. Timmt and me went through something quite similar."

I sniff as more tears stream down my cheeks.

"We'd been together about a year," she contines, "When he started to come into his place as the new head of the Fowl empire. He was under a lot of stess and as he was being really introduced the criminal world, he suspected everyone. Including me. Especially me. So one night, my family wanted me over for dinner since most of my time was spent with Timmy. It turned out my older sister, Aunt Dolores, had had a baby girl. She and I were close so I arranged every Thursday I would visit. Timmy got suspiucious and thought I was seeing someone else. Then came my twenty-first birthday. My parents threw me a big celebration and everyone I knew was invited. Timmy didn't show up until midnight. By then I was thoroughly intoxicated so I was clinging to Uncle William, who had been like a brother to me. Dory wasn't around at the moment and when Timmy saw me clinging to Will, he lost it. He thought I had cheated on him with my sister's husband. He ended our relationship without listening to my slurred protests.

"I fell apart. I knew I loved him and was heart broken that he thought I didn't. I didn't leave my bed for weeks only nibbling occasionally to keep myself alive. I hurt so bad. The tears never stopped flowing. I wanted to die if he didn't love me anymore. I was broken. All I could think about was his angry face declaring the end of us. I have never felt so broken, shattered, lost in my life.

"About two months later, he shows up on my doorstep, begging me for forgiveness. He learned the truth and knew he couldn't live without me. The next month, he proposed."

I sniff, "But our circumstances are quite different. My past supports her assumption. She will be fine without me. Your relationship was longer. Ours has been all of three days. She hates me."

A new sob erupts from my lips and gasp in ragged breaths, "Sh---she wi---ll n---never---er l---love me ag---gain."

"She will, Arty. In fact, she'll never stop."

I shake my head, "And h---how do you know---ow?"

"Timmy never did. I saw the way she looked at you, Arty. She loves you. She just thinks you don't love her. She's a sensible girl. She should come to her senses soon. You were both under so much stress, you were just fueling the flame. You both were dumping buckets of water on a grease fire. All it did was build the fury. Trust me, Arty, let the wind calm down or the flame will engulf and destroy everything."

I shake my head, "She still hates me."

Mother stands, "No, she doesn't, Artemis. I bet you the whole Fowl fortune that she's depressed and longing for you right now, loving you to pieces even if she thinks the feeling is not mutual. She hates what she thinks you did to her, not you."

I shake my head and curl up tighter, refusing any more attempts of conversation. Eventually, Mother leaves and I drift into a fitful sleep.